This is not at all how I thought that my life would be. When Jarrod and I got married 15 years ago (so long ago right
)
he was in medical school and I taught Elementary school. After a few
years we were hoping for children and three seemed like a good
number to us. However it did take us several years into our marriage
before having children. Teaching early childhood was good birth-control
for me... I love children and teaching but I was just too tired to do it
at school AND at home! By the way kudos to
all of you who teach outside of the home and pour yourself out as mamas
when you get home. My mom was a teacher and while it’s very rewarding
it’s also exhausting!!!
So we had been married about 4 1/2 years when we had our first
sweet little boy (who is now a way too grown-up 10-year-old ) We had
just moved to Cleveland, Ohio for my husband’s medical training when
multiple sclerosis decided to rear its ugly head. A
relapse with multiple sclerosis? I never imagined lesions appearing on
my spine!! We were beyond grateful though that nothing was wrong with
the baby. After treatments and physical therapy I ended up with a small
limp on my left side. I thought it was such
a huge deal but I would love to go back to a small limp right now.
Isn’t that a problem we often have? I know often for me looking back
problems that seemed SO BIG don’t seem so big anymore.
It is very rare that MS relapses happen during pregnancy and many
patients with MS have relatively healthy lives with their children. Well
that’s all I needed to hear because I really wanted to have more babies
but I knew that three would not be possible
(well at least in my false sense of control)! I knew with what happened
last time that Jarrod and I would not try twice to be pregnant but I
really wanted one more sweet baby and I was not at all worried about
another relapse. MS relapses in pregnancy are
rare right? Thankfully it didn’t take us very long to get pregnant and
when I went into the doctor at seven weeks they told me that we were
having twins. Twins?? Jarrod and I were both shocked scared and excited!
Also that is really an understatement WE WERE
SHOCKED! I was able to take care of the twins to almost 38 weeks and
praise God they were healthy! Mommy was not and another relapse sit in
around 22 weeks again and this time did even more damage to my spine. We
now had an almost 3-year-old and newborn twins.
It was a crazy time and to be honest I don’t remember much of it but I
do know that we were surrounded by family and friends. God‘s provision
for us again as our dependency on Him became stronger. When the twins
were almost two we moved to San Antonio Texas.
We knew not a soul and we could have been very alone. The extrovert in
me loved being in new places and I felt like it was a challenge for our
family to find new places to fit in and we definitely did! I fell in
love with the people and city of San Antonio
. I would definitely have at least another
page of all the ways that God provided in Texas. I recognized His
provisions but others provisions I see looking back. Hindsight is always
20/20 right? We moved from Texas to Charlotte North Carolina for his
medical training. Every notion of control that
I ever had began to be challenged and my false sense of control started
to be replaced with greater dependency on others and greater dependency
on God. Driving my kids anywhere we needed to go? Gone. Grocery
shopping when I just needed one thing for a recipe?
Gone. Feeling like an independent wife and mother? Gone. If I say that I
gave these things up easily or even willingly that would be a lie. It
is hard to be so dependent on others. Actually that is quite an
understatement ...it is really really really HARD
to be so dependent. Our time in Charlotte was wonderful and difficult
for our family. However that year grew our faith in God grew stronger
and even more real for our family. We knew that we were going to move a
year later and again God surprised me and showed
me that I am not in control. Our family moved to Macon Georgia and
although our family started here in college, it’s not where I thought we
would plant roots. In Macon our family has thrived! Our children love
their new school and God has shown us that He
is in the details all the way from my husband‘s job to our house.
God has shown us and continues to show us that He provides and He
is in control. Life doesn’t look like what we thought and your life
might not look like what you imagined. However God is faithful and He is
sovereign! My prayer for you is that you would
trust Him completely and believe as Romans 828 says
“And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.”
“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.”
Jeremiah 29:11 ESV
