How Do You Fight Your Battles?

How do you fight your battles?

    So I have to tell you about something super cool that happened to me a few weeks ago. But first I need to give you a little background. My relationship with God has become much stronger in the past 10 years. However, I’ll be honest, sometimes I crave to hear from Him...and I don’t. My friends talk about their really cool dreams, and I ask God to give me dreams, but no cool dreams yet. I just listened to a podcast in which a woman talked about hearing a word of the day from God. When I ask God to speak, sometimes I feel like He is silent. It can be very frustrating. However, that’s part of my learning to trust when I don’t hear what I want, and it’s also part of my listening. For those of you who like the enneagram, I am a seven, the enthusiast, which means I like to have fun all the time and I don’t really enjoy silence.

Anyway, onto my super cool story: My family went to Hilton Head Island toward the end of July with my parents and my brother and sister-in-law and very cute nephew. 

Now let me preface this by saying how much I love the beach. I feel so relaxed when I drive on the island and I love the sand between my toes, the waves, and swimming in the ocean. I loved to bike ride and I also loved to play putt-putt at the beach, much to my husband‘s chagrin. I always told my husband it would be fun when we had kids because then they could play with me, and he would not have to! However, things turned out a little differently. As many of you know I am in a wheelchair right now and cannot ride a bike, swim in the ocean, or play putt-putt. We had gone a little early to meet my grandmother, aunts, and cousins who were there for the weekend. We had to take a shuttle to the beach at their place and could not get into our condo yet. My sweet mom had rented a beach wheelchair, which is awesome, and that is putting it mildly. It allows me to go to the edge of the water through the sand; however, it has huge tires that would not fit on a shuttle or in any type of car. So my children and other family went to the beach, and I wanted them to, but I was also really, really sad. Before they left my oldest son put headphones in my ears and played the song “Surrounded (Fight My Battles).” I tried to wait until they left, but tears begin to roll down my cheeks as I listened to this song and turned on the Hallmark channel for my grandmother. The Hallmark channel is great and all, but not really what I wanted to be doing on a beach vacation. My parents were going to the grocery store while the others were at the beach, so I decided to go with them. I turned my headphones off and left them at the house to go to the grocery store. I don’t know if you’ve ever been to the grocery store at the beach on a Saturday, but my brother describes it well when he says it’s one of the five worst experiences of his life. It is mass chaos, and it seems like everybody on the island ended up at Kroger at the same time. My mom had a list a mile long and my dad was trying to navigate my wheelchair through all the people. It was really maddening! I felt like crying, but I couldn’t put my sunglasses on in the middle of a store. How pitiful would it be to have tears rolling down your cheeks in a wheelchair in the middle of Kroger? I just stayed silent and began to pray because I was so discouraged. As we navigated our way through the chaos, Kroger began to play my new favorite song, the one my son had just played for me!  I was a little shocked, and I thanked God for reminding me that He was right there. I told my dad, “Isn’t that so cool that Kroger plays Christian music?” He had no idea what I was talking about. He said, “Haley, they didn’t play that song, it never played.” But I had heard it as clear as it had been in my headphones. God reminded me that although I felt surrounded, He was fighting my battles! I didn’t have to feel discouraged and it wasn’t for me to try to fight my battles. God would do that, and He does do that. My prayer for all of us is that when we are surrounded, we will surrender to our great God and let Him take over. God will fight our battles when we let Him.

“ Surrounded (Fight My Battles)” by UPPERROOM

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=vx6mfAgHDsY

“For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does. The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds.”

‭‭2 Corinthians‬ ‭10:3-4‬ ‭NIV‬‬

When Life Gives You Lemons

When Life Gives You Lemons

Do you like lemons? I really like lemons in my water. The sour, acidic taste of the lemon when it is squeezed provides is the perfect amount of flavor.  I also like to decorate with lemons. Before it is cut open and squeezed, a bright lemon can bring a touch of color that a dark or drab room might need. 

We are all kind of like lemons. Before we are squeezed, we can smile and laugh. But when a little life seeps in, we are no longer whole but cut open and squeezed. Circumstances squeeze us. Maybe it’s finances, work, marriage, children, or health. And when we are squeezed, what pours out? Are we bitter and angry? Are we short in our responses? How do we act not only with other people, but also when we are alone? What we pour into our bodies body is eventually going to come out. If we constantly eat food that is not good for our bodies, it will begin to show. It is the same thing with our minds. What we constantly pour in is eventually going to come out. The Scripture says in John 15:5,  “I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing.” We have to abide in Christ. I looked up the word abide and its synonyms are to comply with, observe, and follow. We cannot follow what we do not know. We have to know His word. I have Scriptures all around my house and I listen to worship music at least every morning. I feel, as I’m sure you do, that I am constantly squeezed. When that happens I want my family and those around me to see Jesus. It doesn’t always happen. Some days I’m just bitter and angry and not very pleasant to be around. In the moments when I’m squeezed I have to ask myself: What am I abiding in? In Christ or in myself? My prayer for you is that you will abide in Him and His word, and that when you are squeezed, others will see Jesus in you.

“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.”

‭‭Galatians‬ ‭5:22-23‬ ‭ESV‬‬

“ Everything” with Toby Mac 

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=7RIp_t3gKZw

Delight and Desire

When I was in college, and even when I first got married, I quoted this verse from Psalm 37:4: “Take delight in the Lord and he will give you desires of your heart.” However, I quoted the verse all wrong. I took delight in the Lord. I was a Christian who went to church on Sunday and on mission trips. I even taught kids about God and His faithfulness. I thought for sure I was taking delight in the Lord and therefore He would grant the desires of my heart. Then came the first big trial in our marriage, and I was mad because it did not turn out like I desired.  As my relationship with the Lord deepened, I began to realize that I was taking delight in serving the Lord, but not taking delight in Him. Therefore my desires were what I wanted and what I thought I needed, and not from Him. I want to be healed--like running outside with my kids healed--and NOT watching from a wheelchair. Living life in the wheelchair is not my desire! But as I grow deeper in my relationship with Christ, my desires begin to change. In finding delight in Him, my desire becomes to serve Him in any way possible. I realize I am a vessel. I have the opportunity to show Jesus to others. I may be a broken vessel, but I can point others to Jesus. That is my greatest desire, and when I delight in Him, my desires become His desires.

From His delight and desire I find a great peace. This doesn’t mean I enjoy all of my circumstances. I don’t enjoy all of my circumstances. Sometimes it feels like Groundhog Day. When I crawl slowly out of bed to take a shower with the grab bars that my sweet father-in-law and husband put in, my body is stiff. My left leg doesn’t even feel attached, although I’m grateful it is still attached. Circumstances don’t seem to change, and I have learned through this to become very intentional in the morning. I have to listen to worship music every morning and set my eyes on Jesus. I also read scripture and sometimes listen to a sermon or a podcast. 

Sometimes circumstances don’t change, but that doesn’t mean that we cannot delight in the Lord and that He does not grant us the desires of our hearts. When we fix our eyes on Jesus, His desires become our desires. We want to see Him and know Him. I listen to a lot of podcasts. It’s one of the ways that I feel encouraged. Recently I heard someone say, “ I didn’t get the prayer I wanted. I got the presence I needed”. I typed it in my phone immediately because it is so true. God doesn’t always answer our prayers like we want, but He is always there. He never leaves our side, and He is always faithful. My prayer for all of us is that we will take great delight in knowing Him and therefore He will grant us the desires of our heart.

“Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him and he will do this:”

‭‭Psalm‬ ‭37:4-5‬ ‭NIV‬‬

“I shall not want” by Audrey Assad

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=m8WgHGOak1c

God Never Wastes

 I love people. It is fun for me to be around others. It really fills my tank up, so to speak. I like traveling to new places and going on adventures. I have always enjoyed moving to new places because it’s an exciting challenge.  During each of my four years of college I moved to different apartments (I'm sure all this moving thrilled my parents :) ). Then I married a man whose job required us to move around a lot, and although it’s not his favorite, I loved it! As I became more dependent on other people and my relationship with God became stronger,  I loved seeing how God provided.

 

 However, as I became more dependent, I also ended up spending more time alone at my house in silence. I cannot drive anymore, so going inside the local Starbucks does not happen very much. Fortunately, there is a drive-through so when my sweet nanny comes and we are running errands we frequently drive through the local coffee house. Doing things with friends is different now, because they have to come pick me up and help me. Satan uses these moments to keep my eyes focused on my circumstances and on my loneliness. I quickly become discouraged and my thoughts tend to go into a downward spiral. Bitterness and anger ensue that many times I take out on other people. It’s not pretty and, trust me, I am not proud of this. However, this just shows how much I need Jesus.

When I have a smile on my face and my words and actions are positive, it’s because of Jesus. 

 

I make a decision, many times a day, to turn my eyes on Him and change my attitude. In Psalms 32:3 it says, “When I kept things to myself, I felt weak and deep inside me I moaned all day long.” When we keep our thoughts focused on ourselves and our circumstances we do feel weak, because we cannot renew our minds and our attitudes. God never wastes our hurts or what we might be going through. God never wastes suffering. In Proverbs 4:25 the Bible tells us to “Let your eyes look directly forward, and your gaze be straight before you.” It also tells us in Ephesians 4:23 to “be made new in the attitude of your mind.” So my being alone and silent has really allowed me to pour into scripture and also pour into other peoples' lives. When I am able to participate in something, I enjoy it far more than I might have if I did it all the time. My prayer for you is that you will keep your eyes turned toward Jesus. Trust Him and trust the story that He is writing through you. He is writing a story that will bring Him great glory and you “get to” be part of it. Trust our good God.

“Turn your eyes upon Jesus” by Hillsong

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=czxd5oa-gi0

“Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me—practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you.”

‭‭Philippians‬ ‭4:8-9

Work In Progress

Work in Progress 

I cannot stop smiling. Right now I am looking at our brand-new room. We just finished renovations on our living room. After about six weeks of construction, the formal living room and the den became one big family room. It is beautiful, and I know my family is going to love it! 

Even though it was two separate rooms just six weeks ago, it is hard to recall. However, I do remember watching parts of the process of the two rooms becoming one. There were times when my kids and I came home to find big holes in the wall. Sometimes, even though we knew guys were there working, we could not tell that there was work being done. And then there were times that it was really, really, really messy (but our contractor did do a good job of cleaning up the room).

Every time I rolled through this room I reminded myself that it was a work in progress and that it would be beautiful when done. Looking at this beautiful new room and thinking back on the process of renovation reminds me of how God renovates us. We are also a work in progress. Sometimes we are in crisis and there is a lot of work being done in our lives. Sometimes our lives are going well and even though we know that God is working, we can’t really tell. Although we are a work in progress and our lives will not be complete until we meet Jesus, each day we should look a little bit more like Him. I heard a sermon recently in which the pastor asked, “Whose voice is the loudest in your life? Whose voice influences the decisions that you make each day? Who influences your thoughts and what you think about yourself? Who influences your actions and the way you speak?" These are questions that I ask myself every morning because I know that I am a work in progress. I want to make sure that “my room” looks more and more like Jesus every day. My prayer for you is that Jesus is the loudest voice in your life and that you are becoming more like Him every day.

“So as to walk in a manner worthy of the Lord, fully pleasing to him: bearing fruit in every good work and increasing in the knowledge of God.”

‭‭Colossians‬ ‭1:10‬ ‭ESV‬‬

“Changed” by Jordan Feliz

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=BGPMX4zU9jc

Only Jesus

Recently my husband and I had a doctor’s appointment that I really did not want to go to. I was dreading it! I didn’t feel like pretending it (everything) was OK. I didn’t feel like walking (rolling) in with a smile on my face. I knew those stark,white office walls of the would be cold and uninviting.  I can usually find something to be optimistic about in most situations. But this time was hard. Appointments and blood work are pretty common  now, but this appointment was different. Sometimes hearing the obvious about my condition is really hard. I feel discouraged. I start to feel defeated. 

About two days before the appointment I was listening to podcasts (I think I’m truly addicted to podcasts), and the pastor spoke about making Jesus famous. Now, I know about letting your light shine for Jesus. Not only do I say this to my kids almost every day, but our family Bible verse is Matthew 5:16: “In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven.” However, through this pastor God reminded me ever so gently that these appointments are not about me. He reminded me that this life is not about me. It is about Him. Rolling into that doctor’s office with a smile on my face suddenly didn’t seem so hard because I realized it was not about the circumstances of my situation. The appointment became a “get to” and not a “have to” moment. I got the opportunity to be used by God with the receptionists, other patients, nurses, and doctors. Also, I got to go on a date with my husband (insert praise hands) and we got to go to Whole Foods,which is one of my favorite places :)

I’m not going to lie and say that I always let God change my attitude and become grateful. I don’t. I could pretend that I never question God, and I want to say I always trust Him, but I don’t. I know His ways are not our ways and His thoughts are higher than our thoughts. But isn’t it so hard to see that God is sovereign when life seems out of control? Isn’t it so hard to see that God is good, and a good father, when you don’t understand? Maybe it is not for you, but it definitely is for me!! I do KNOW that we GET TO shine His kindness, love, grace, and mercy. My prayer for you is that you will see this life as more “get to” moments than “have to” moments, and make Jesus famous.

  

“You are the salt of the earth, but if salt has lost its taste, how shall its saltiness be restored? It is no longer good for anything except to be thrown out and trampled under people's feet. You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden. Nor do people light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a stand, and it gives light to all in the house.”

"Find your tribe, Love them hard"

It’s a new year. A new year full of hope and promises. Life will be better next year. Maybe you have New Year’s resolutions. Maybe you don’t make New Year’s resolutions because in a few weeks they we will not be resolutions anymore. I personally don’t make New Year’s resolutions.  This year though I decided to try something new. A few people I know have a word for their year and it has always inspired me. So I decided to ask God for a word this year. I heard God laying two words on my heart for the year…I felt like God was telling me to TRUST. I feel Him repeating the word over and over through sermons and podcasts as well as through devotionals and discussions with friends.  The other word for my year is COURAGE. I took a quiz from the Christian company Dayspring and the quiz told me my word for the year was courage. The word courage does make sense. Life is getting harder and harder physically for me. My body seems like it’s getting weaker and more stiff every day. I told my husband last night that rolling over in bed was definitely something I took for granted. Life takes trust. It takes courage.  Some days I want to wallow, throwing myself a pity party. Some days I have to stand on my friends words and their belief in who God says I am. Do you have friends like that in your life? Friends that encourage and pour truth into your soul when you can’t seem to look up our focus on the truth instead of the lies?  Friends that can also tell you that hard things when you don’t want to hear them?  I am very blessed because God has brought me friends just like that in every city our family has lived.

Christmas time is over and our house is slowly getting back to normal chaos of life. Also, I love the tree and the lights decorating the house...but I also love when it is all packed up for next year. Don’t you feel a sense of relief when your last box is packed up?  I’ve also been taking down the Christmas cards or Thanksgiving cards or New Year’s cards (whichever holiday you might send us a card:)). I love looking at each family and thinking about the city where we met them and how God changed our lives through them. We take the cards and cut out the pictures and glue them on popsicle sticks. Each morning before school (or after depending on the craziness of the morning) each of us take a popsicle stick and pray for that family. It started out when my children were young and I read about a family prayer jar (www.happyhomefairy.com). We lived in Texas and our family is spread through different parts of the country. I wanted my children to know there extended family and so I found pictures on Facebook and we started the family prayer jar.  Each time we moved and I needed more and more help physically and we didn’t live near our immediate family. Our friends became our family too. I started to add pictures to the jar and now we just add the new Christmas cards every year.  It’s a fun thing to do with my family. Hopefully it shows my kids the importance of prayer for those we love in our lives. Each time we pull out a card we are reminded of God‘s provision and His great love for us. Our family is reminded of the body of Christ and how we all need each other. My prayer for you is that you will be reminded of many of the ways God has provided. Make a list and when you feel discouraged you can read it and remind yourself of God‘s great love for you. My prayer for you also is that you will find a friend who points you to Jesus.  When you do, you in turn, will be able to be this kind of friend to others.

“Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil.”

Ecclesiastes 4:9 ESV

“Counting Every Blessing” by Rend Collective

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=82b0Tiy0ykk

 

Foundations: Sand or Rock?

Do you ever feel overwhelmed by life‘s circumstances? Do you ever feel like your life is spinning out of control? Well I tend to feel that way and this past week has been an exceptionally hard week. Probably doesn’t help that when I look outside it’s gray and rainy. I like the sun and warm weather (I am a Georgia girl what can I say:)) So when it becomes rainy more than three days in a row I began to get a little antsy. I become discouraged and a little feisty (ask my husband and my kids:)). Once I get in that nasty place my thoughts and reactions sink into a downward spiral. Satan loves to get in there and remind me of every little thing. My life becomes so focused on me and my circumstances and not the kingdom. I look at myself and not UP. I begin to become dependent on my feelings instead of God’s truth.

Due to all the rain and also some crumbs that we’ve dropped on the floor... we have little tiny ants. Lots and lots of little black ants! They multiply into little groups and corners of the bathrooms and kitchen! We’ve sprayed all the baseboards and cracks that those little tiny ants tend to find their way into. Our nice warm home turns chaotic. We become on a mission and our mission is to destroy the ants. Many of them have disappeared but there are still a few stubborn ants that crawl around.

The ants remind me of Satan’s lies. The lies that surround us and creep in start out as just a few. However, if we’re not surrounding ourselves with God’s truth than they can quickly multiply. I don’t know about you but many times I tend to listen to the lies more than the truth. I have different scriptures and quotes around my house to remind me of the truth. In Psalms 139:14 the scriptures remind us that we are fearfully and wonderfully made. It is a constant reminder to my family that God does not make mistakes and we are made in His image. Surround yourself with God’s truth. Place scripture or quotes around the house or in your phone as a reminder of to keep your eyes focused on the truth. Are our eyes on our limited circumstances or on God? Who’s voice is guiding us today? Are we listening to God‘s truth or Satan‘s lies? My prayer for us today is that we will stop focusing on the lies that surround us and focus on the truth of the One who made us.

“Look Up Child” by Lauren Daigle

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=7NAYz0zh_Es

“he is like a man building a house, who dug deep and laid the foundation on the rock. And when a flood arose, the stream broke against that house and could not shake it, because it had been well built.”

Luke 6:48 ESV

 

About a month ago...

...I had the privilege of going to a women’s event in Charlotte with two friends. While this was indeed an event for women, it was more than a women’s “event.”  Instead it was a powerful night of worship!  Instead of attending to get something out of it, women gathered and met Jesus in and through one another. It was a night when women came together to celebrate God’s goodness in their lives as well as stand with one another in our pain and strongholds. We linked arms, cried, and we prayed together. This was an evening where age, race, and denominational differences were irrelevant. We were there to worship Jesus Christ and that was what mattered! It was a truly beautiful taste of heaven!  One of the questions asked was about the baggage we so needlessly carry around. Why do we carry around our baggage when Christ has set us free? I realize that even though I know Christ has set me free (and I even proclaim it), I still carry around needless baggage. Do I really believe that the loneliness I feel or the approval of others has been taken away? Do I believe what I proclaim to others? Confession: I struggle with loneliness. I struggle with feelings of inadequacy. I let Satan have a good time with my thoughts and feelings and suddenly I am having a pity party. I also struggle with the approval of others. It is a constant battle to say my approval comes from God alone and not from others and believe it. I want people to like me. I mean, I was voted most courteous in high school. Being this honest IS hard. Being vulnerable IS hard. However I want to show my deep need for Jesus. I am HIS beloved and so are you. We were created with a need for HIM alone that only His presence in our life can fill.

We are God’s beloved. I’ve heard the verse John 3:16 for most of my life. It’s one of the first Bible verses that I learned as a child. I can repeat it quite well but do I really believe it? I love what it says in the message version of John 3:16: 

“This is how much God loved the world: He gave his Son, his one and only Son. 

And this is why: so that no one need be destroyed; 

by believing in him, anyone can have a whole and lasting life.” 

God did not have to do it but He sent his only son because He loves us. We are His dearly loved children. So we ARE free. We are free from loneliness. We are free from inadequacy and the approval of others. I could list so many more things we are free from and I bet you could too. Right now think of the baggage that I am carrying around or the baggage you might not even realize that you are carrying around and guess what? I AM FREE. YOU ARE FREE!!! My prayer for you and for me is that we will live in the freedom that Christ gave us and proclaim that truth over our lives every day!

“Whoever believes in me, as the Scripture has said, 'Out of his heart will flow rivers of living water.'” John 7:38 ESV

“ Who You say I am”’ By: Hillsong Worship

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=IcC1Bp13n_4

God Leans In

A little over a year ago I wrote a blog post explaining why I have the word GRACE tattooed on my wrist. It has only been a year and a half since I got the tattoo and I am so grateful I have the word right in front of me every minute of the day. My children and I just got back from a trip. By the way, notice that said the word trip and not vacation. I heard a pastor recently say that a trip is with children and vacation is just for you and your spouse or friends. So true! For example I never thought I’d go to Helen, Georgia, and spend so much time in a team store but I did on my TRIP with my children.  

Back to the word GRACE tattooed on my wrist…So my family went on this trip and we had a great time. Helen is this quaint little village nestled in the mountains and it is really beautiful! It was fun to experience everything through my children’s eyes because they get so excited about the smallest little thing. However, it was very different for me going to a town where I was so used to going on adventures and hiking up to the waterfalls instead of watching my children do all of these things that I loved to do. Don’t get me wrong I am so grateful my children were able to go but it is hard to see in pictures what I once experienced in reality.  That is why I’m so glad I have the word GRACE written on my wrist. It is a constant reminder to me. For example:

The people that will not move out-of-the-way for the wheelchair to get through? GRACE. 

When I lash out in anger at the people closest to me? GRACE.  

The countless stores that are not handicap accessible and only have stairs to get in?!? GRACE. 

The small aisles once we get in their stores that we can’t get through without knocking something down? GRACE. 

The poor person pushing me through all of these small places and usually having to roll me backwards to get over a lift in the door. GRACE! 

I KNOW God leans in with a gentle reminder as I feel anger, resentment, bitterness, or tears well up in my eyes. Sometimes I listen to God’s prompting of GRACE right away and sometimes I choose not to. However God is still there, leaning in and reminding me of HIS GRACE.  God gave us GRACE that we do not deserve. He sent HIS only son to die on the cross for us. In Ephesians 2:8 it says “For by GRACE you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God.”  I am also reminded that it is HIS GRACE that is sufficient for others and for me. God reminds us in 2 Corinthian‘s 12 that Paul was given a thorn in the flesh to keep him from becoming proud of his own wisdom and abilities. It tells us that three times Paul begged God to take it away and God reminded him that HIS GRACE is sufficient and that HIS POWER is made perfect in your weakness.  I know it is much easier to write or read about His GRACE being sufficient than to live it out. It is hard. However it is true and my prayer for you as 2 Corinthians 12 reminds us is to "boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.”

“For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”

2 Corinthians 12:10 ESV

“ Grace Got You” by Mercy Me

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=xtiUjNT_vAM

Useful or Beautiful?

I’m so sorry it has taken me all summer to actually sit down and write. I have no excuse except life got busy, and I have three children that were home all the time:). 

It was a really fun summer and I love having the kids home but I’m also glad for a little structure and to be back in school!  During the summer, and also the school year, I try to get up early and spend some time with Jesus. It seems especially hard for me though, and maybe for you too, during the summer. It is hard for me to remember what God says about me and not let the circumstances of life and the devil get a foothold. That is why I have to spend time with Jesus to remember who I am and His specific promises to me!

I am a big fan of podcasts; I listen to them while I’m getting ready in the morning. While listening to one of the podcasts, a question was asked that caused me to stop and my mind to start reeling:

Do we need Jesus because He is USEFUL or do we need Jesus because we find Him BEAUTIFUL? 

Man I was so convicted! I spend time with Jesus because He encourages me, and I listen to podcasts many times to also encourage me. What can Jesus say to me? What can Jesus do for me to get me through the day? Do you see the common thread? It is all about me.

I am not saying that He is not there to encourage us and help us have a good day because He is!! In Psalms 27 it reminds us that the Lord is our light and salvation so why should I be afraid? It also reminds us that He is our fortress protecting us from danger so why should we tremble?  He does help us get through the day and hold our head up high! He does help us hold our head up high while reminding us that we are His children and that our salvation cannot be taken from us. 

I read several of the Psalms before writing today. Before the author goes into confession or asks “how can God help me,” the author praises Him for who He is. God IS beautiful! In Psalms 107:1 we are reminded to “give thanks to the Lord for He is good, His faithful love endures forever.” There are times I will make a list of the attributes of God and I start to pray over them reminding myself of His character...

God is:

Holy

Just

 Immutable (never changes)

Infinite

 Self-sufficient

 Omniscient (all-knowing)

 Omnipresent (everywhere)

 El Shaddai ( God Almighty)

Father

Love

 Merciful

Jehovah Rophe (The God who heals)

Jehovah Shalom (the God of peace)

Jehovah Jireh (the God who provides)

Our Comforter

 Our Intercessor

These are just a few of His attributes. God desires that we call upon His name because he made us for relationship. He does not desire a relationship where we ignore Him and only call upon His name when we need something. God doesn’t need us but He desires us. My prayer for you is that you will know God is our Father and that we are His children. I pray you seek Him and know that He deserves our worship and praise for He is our beautiful God.

“You’re Beautiful” by Shane and Shane 

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=zkbMbmOoZOE

“You say” by Lauren Daigle

  

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=sIaT8Jl2zpI

Control

This is not at all how I thought that my life would be. When Jarrod and I got married 15 years ago (so long ago right) he was in medical school and I taught Elementary school. After a few years we were hoping for children and three seemed like a good number to us. However it did take us several years into our marriage before having children. Teaching early childhood was good birth-control for me... I love children and teaching but I was just too tired to do it at school AND at home! By the way kudos to all of you who teach outside of the home and pour yourself out as mamas when you get home. My mom was a teacher and while it’s very rewarding it’s also exhausting!!!

So we had been married about 4 1/2 years when we had our first sweet little boy (who is now a way too grown-up 10-year-old ) We had just moved to Cleveland, Ohio for my husband’s medical training when multiple sclerosis decided to rear its ugly head. A relapse with multiple sclerosis? I never imagined lesions appearing on my spine!! We were beyond grateful though that nothing was wrong with the baby. After treatments and physical therapy I ended up with a small limp on my left side. I thought it was such a huge deal but I would love to go back to a small limp right now. Isn’t that a problem we often have? I know often for me looking back problems that seemed SO BIG don’t seem so big anymore.

It is very rare that MS relapses happen during pregnancy and many patients with MS have relatively healthy lives with their children. Well that’s all I needed to hear because I really wanted to have more babies but I knew that three would not be possible (well at least in my false sense of control)! I knew with what happened last time that Jarrod and I would not try twice to be pregnant but I really wanted one more sweet baby and I was not at all worried about another relapse. MS relapses in pregnancy are rare right? Thankfully it didn’t take us very long to get pregnant and when I went into the doctor at seven weeks they told me that we were having twins. Twins?? Jarrod and I were both shocked scared and excited! Also that is really an understatement WE WERE SHOCKED! I was able to take care of the twins to almost 38 weeks and praise God they were healthy! Mommy was not and another relapse sit in around 22 weeks again and this time did even more damage to my spine. We now had an almost 3-year-old and newborn twins. It was a crazy time and to be honest I don’t remember much of it but I do know that we were surrounded by family and friends. God‘s provision for us again as our dependency on Him became stronger. When the twins were almost two we moved to San Antonio Texas. We knew not a soul and we could have been very alone. The extrovert in me loved being in new places and I felt like it was a challenge for our family to find new places to fit in and we definitely did! I fell in love with the people and city of San Antonio . I would definitely have at least another

page of all the ways that God provided in Texas. I recognized His provisions but others provisions I see looking back. Hindsight is always 20/20 right? We moved from Texas to Charlotte North Carolina for his medical training. Every notion of control that I ever had began to be challenged and my false sense of control started to be replaced with greater dependency on others and greater dependency on God. Driving my kids anywhere we needed to go? Gone. Grocery shopping when I just needed one thing for a recipe? Gone. Feeling like an independent wife and mother? Gone. If I say that I gave these things up easily or even willingly that would be a lie. It is hard to be so dependent on others. Actually that is quite an understatement ...it is really really really HARD to be so dependent. Our time in Charlotte was wonderful and difficult for our family. However that year grew our faith in God grew stronger and even more real for our family. We knew that we were going to move a year later and again God surprised me and showed me that I am not in control. Our family moved to Macon Georgia and although our family started here in college, it’s not where I thought we would plant roots. In Macon our family has thrived! Our children love their new school and God has shown us that He is in the details all the way from my husband‘s job to our house.

God has shown us and continues to show us that He provides and He is in control. Life doesn’t look like what we thought and your life might not look like what you imagined. However God is faithful and He is sovereign! My prayer for you is that you would trust Him completely and believe as Romans 828 says

“And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.”

“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.”

‭‭Jeremiah‬ ‭29:11‬ ‭ESV‬‬

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=kFfztu8-bBQ

This Day

During the summer I try to get up early. so I can spend some time with God before my kids get up. Some days I am successful at getting up earlier and some days I’m not. I’ve heard before that getting to spend time with God first is waking up for your day instead of to your day. When I am successful at getting up I have my plans laid out, which always involves the Bible and coffee. Some mornings more than others my body is really really stiff and it is hard to do what I want it to do. I don’t know if you have this problem but Siri does not understand southern accents. I use the voice feature on my phone because typing is hard to text and doing any sort of writing is pretty hard and really slow! Much of my time is spent yelling at Siri that I did not say that crazy word and frustrated because I have to correct which takes so much time. I began to have a conversation with God and sometimes out loud. I probably look a little crazy but usually I’m on my porch and no one is around to see except the birds chirping and the squirrels running up and down the trees. 

Doesn’t God see how I had planned to spend time with Him and how much time is being wasted yelling into my phone? Then I slowly begin to realize that I’m wasting my agenda not His! He woke me up for another day. I might have slowly crawled out of bed and my spaciscity is out of control, but there is breath in my lungs. I wish I could control how my body reacts but I can’t. I practice stretching every morning that helps but I cannot control how my body responds. There are circumstances beyond my control and there are circumstances beyond your control. I am reading the book of Esther in the Bible and she was a woman put in circumstances that she would probably not have chosen for herself. Esther had to decide whether to become discouraged by the circumstances around her and frustrated or trust the Lord is sovereign and the circumstances were not beyond His control. The Lord is sovereign. He is in control of all things and nothing surprises Him. Do we choose to trust Him or go our own way? Do we choose to become discouraged or encouraged that the Lord is in control? Do we become hopeless and frustrated by our circumstances? In Psalms 42:5 the Bible asked “why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation” 

‭My prayer for you is that you will find your encouragement and hope in the Lord. Trust Him and know that He is sovereign. He is the God who created you, loves you and knows every detail and has great plans for your life!

“Trust GOD from the bottom of your heart; don’t try to figure out everything on your own. Listen for GOD ’s voice in everything you do, everywhere you go; he’s the one who will keep you on track.”

‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭3:5-6 MSG

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=1srs1YoTVzs

“This Little Light of Mine”

I don’t know about you but the end of the school year can be crazy and chaotic. Don’t get me wrong, it is fun! But it is also exhausting! There are award ceremonies, recitals, ball games, end of the year parties, etc... it begins to give you a false sense of reality. My life begins to become about a checklist, instead of about serving others ...instead of about Jesus.

I was jolted back to reality last weekend with the death of one of my very favorite people, my uncle Raymond. At his funeral it was said how much he focused on others and busied himself with serving other people. One of the many ways he loved to serve was in my grandmother’s garden. Every year, he would plant new flowers for my grandmother in her garden. He did love flowers, especially roses! When he entered the room he wanted to know what he could do to help you and how you were doing. He had a servant’s heart. Now he is restored and suffering no more. What peace to know he is now experiencing the life we are meant for, eternal life with Jesus.

This past week, while one of the hardest weeks, also reminded me what is most important. How am I living this life? Who am I living this for? Am I pouring out myself to others? “This Little Light of Mine,” while known as a kids song, is perfect for reminding us that the light of Jesus that we have inside us is to shine for others to see, “not hidden under a bushel.” Don’t let the brokenness of this world cause you to become so bitter that “you let satan blow it out.”

There are so many things I learned about life from Uncle Raymond. I learned how great the waves are just before a storm and that it's the best time to boogie board with my dad, my cousin Ryan, and my uncle. I learned that Rod Stewart music is the best, and I learned some great dance moves to go with it! I learned that a smile and a pat on the back can be the touch someone else might need.

Serve others. Love others. Be the hands and feet of Jesus. Most importantly KNOW JESUS! Know that Jesus came into this world and died for you and me so that we may have eternal life with Him. “Jesus said to him, ‘I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.’” (John 14:6 ESV) 

My prayer for you is that you ask and answer these questions for yourself and that ultimately you know Jesus, love Him and live your life serving and loving others through Jesus Christ.

“In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven.” Matthew 5:16 ESV

"This Little Light of Mine"

"Death Was Arrested" by North Point InsideOut

Creating Sacred in the Busyness

This past week one of my life long dreams became a reality, thanks to two of my dear friends.  In college, I always had a poster hanging on my wall that said "San Francisco" with a picture of the Golden Gate Bridge. We spent our first full day in the city going on a tour of several different parts of this city. Then, we slowly drove down the winding roads to the Golden Gate Bridge. As my friends and I watched the rocks and the splashing water beneath the burnt orange bridge (I learned about the correct color from the tour guide), it was hard not to tear up at the realization that I was sitting right there! We took lots of pictures to try to capture the moment and then got back on the bus to visit a few more places. Just like any city it was a bustling place; cars passed back-and-forth on the bridge and boats big and small traveled along the bay.

A little over an hour from this busy city is Muir Woods. I don’t think saying that it is a beautiful place quite gives it justice; however, it is BEAUTIFUL! It is a national monument surrounded by redwoods and streams of water. My friends and I walked through the paths where you could go hiking and fortunately for me there was a paved path that made it much easier for a wheelchair. One of my friends said it was amazing that this beautiful place was so close to the city, such stillness in the hustle and bustle. We decided to sit and take in the beauty instead of letting it pass us by so quickly.

It reminded me of the numerous times in scripture that Jesus withdrew from the crowds to spend time with the Father. In Luke 5:16 it says that “he would withdraw to desolate places and pray.” Jesus was surrounded by great crowds of people wanting healing and to just hear him speak. However, no matter the amount of people that wanted to see Jesus, he knew he needed to spend time with his Father. Just before the guards came and arrested him, he left the disciples, “and he withdrew from them about a stone's throw, and knelt down and prayed.”  Luke 22:41 ESV

It is hard for this extrovert to be alone. I LOVE to be with people! I get energy from being around people and love to be part of the busyness of life. However, God’s teaching me that in the quiet places He renews my strength. My dependency on Him grows stronger as I learn to rest in Him. My prayer for you is that you will learn to rest in Him as you find and create sacred in the busyness of your life.

“Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.”

Matthew 11:28-30 MSG

"I Just Need U." by TobyMac

Heroes of Faith

I have a sign in my kitchen that my wonderful friends gave me. I purposely put it in a place where my family and I are reminded as we leave our home to:

 “Let our faith be bigger than our fear.” 

For the past many weeks I’ve had the opportunity to study the book of Hebrews. This past week my study focused on Hebrews 11, also known as the “hall of faith.” I have read about Abel and his generous whole hearted offering to the Lord, Noah and his reverent fear of God, and Abraham’s unwavering trust in the seemingly impossible, to name a few. 

What is faith? The Bible defines faith as:

The assurance of things hoped for and the conviction of things not seen. 

I don’t know about you but it is very hard for me to not be fearful, to not worry about what tomorrow will bring, to trust that God is in control no matter what the circumstances may be. 

As I studied this week, I began to think about my own heroes in the faith... their faith that taught me what it means to truly love Jesus... their faith that taught me, despite my circumstances, to believe Romans 8:28, “We know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.” My heroes have shown me through their walk of obedience what it means to stay rooted in His word, to study and know it, and to have it “hidden in my heart.” My heroes have shown me how important it is to stay connected to other believers. When my faith is lacking and doubt starts to seep in, “my crew” points me back to Jesus. My crew reminds me of His promises, His faithfulness and that His word is true. I want to be in that hall of faith. I want to have courage to believe that His “grace is sufficient for me.” My prayer for you is that you will want the same and you will let your faith BE BIGGER than your fear. Who are your heroes of faith?

"Even If" by Mercy Me

A Day of Love

So it was just Valentine’s Day, and it is a Day that I happen to love. I’m sure that many of you don’t like it, and I’ve heard that it’s a “Hallmark holiday” and that people get all stressed out about getting “the right gift.” Flowers become VERY expensive, chocolates become a hot commodity and there are many big stuffed animals with hearts attached to their bellies. It is fun, and extremely annoying all at the same time, that a simple box of chocolates costs so much more than usual (I have a friend that waits until after Valentine’s Day to buy all the Russell Stover chocolates that she can. Brilliant, right?). My husband calls Valentine’s Day the Hallmark holiday, but he knows I love it so this year he got me heart camoflage pajamas. He told me that he knew that pajamas are my favorite thing since I pretty much only wear yoga pants, leggings or pajamas. I could argue but I know it’s true, and he knows my love of camo! To celebrate the day, a friend helped me decorate the house with hearts everywhere that said little attributes about the kids or had little Valentine jokes. 

While all of the decorating and celebrating brings me such joy, my favorite part of Valentine’s Day is truly what I try to keep our family focused on and that is God‘s love. We get to celebrate His love for us and share with others:

God’s love for us does not change no matter our feelings towards Him and no matter our circumstances. 
God’s love for us sent His only Son to die on a cross for us. 
God’s love for us gives us a Savior and cleanses us of ALL the dirtiness that we bring. 

I love how The Message calls Jesus our Complete. “But when the Complete arrives, our incompletes will be canceled.”  (1 Corinthians 13:10 MSG) His love is INSATIABLE, UNDENIABLE, COMPLETE!

My friend also helped me write scripture verses all over the house. On Valentine’s Day the first thing I give the kids is a heart with the scripture verse that says:

“For God so loved the world, that He gave his only Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have eternal life.” (John 3:16 ESV) 

Another heart says:

"Love means following His commandments, and His unifying commandment is that you conduct your lives in love.” (2 John 1:4-6 MSG). 

That’s what Valentine’s Day needs to be all about, celebrating God‘s amazing infinite wonderful love for us! I don’t know how you celebrated this Valentine’s Day or even if you acknowledged Valentine’s Day at all! But I do hope you know God‘s unconditional and incomprehensible love for you. YOU are His child and my prayer is that you feel completely overwhelmed by His love for you!!

Oh The Deep, Deep Love by Sovereign Grace

“So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love.” 

(1 Corinthians 13:13 ESV)

Reflections

Confession: I struggle with jealousy. 

My kids were home two days last week because of the snow and ice. I am tired. Don’t get me wrong it has been really fun! I am so glad my kids were home because snow days. We did not have much snow but it was enough for them. They threw snowballs, built mini snowman, and even practiced sledding down the hill! However, as I watched them from my wheel chair, I became really bitter. I looked past all the many blessings and just looked at everything I did not have and wanted! I tried to make a list of things I could be thankful for instead of wallowing in my pity (although I really wanted to wallow).

I have a wheelchair that can go outside and watch the kids play in the snow. 

I have children that wanted me to come out with them and waited patiently until I got in my chair to play in the snow. 

My children were healthy enough to run and play outside and most of the time had a really good time with each other! 

My husband is very hard-working and has a good job that provided us with a house that keeps us warm on a cold day! 

Our house also has big doors for wheelchairs and ramps... it even has cabinets with drawers that pull out and are easily accessible! Our house really is amazing... talk about God‘s provision!  

Sometimes I get so tired of watching life from the wheelchair and I want to stand up and do! I have so many things to be thankful for but I can quickly look past that and focus on all the things that I want or think would make my life better. Isn’t it easy to get focused on all of the things we want instead of all the blessings that we DO have?

I play a game with my kids called Count Your Blessings. They roll their eyes (especially my 10-year-old) but begrudgingly they play it and they always end up in a better mood. Each person only has three seconds to name a blessing. I normally keep them going until I begin to see smiles on their face instead of the grumpy looks and arguing that are about to ensue.  In Philippians 4:8 God's Word tells us “whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.” In Colossians 3:2 it says to “set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth.” Whether it be our spouse or our children or coworkers we choose the tone for our life. We choose our own attitude and our focus. Are we going to choose an attitude of gratitude or an attitude of grumbling and complaining? What do we reflect to others? Do we reflect Jesus Christ or ourselves? My prayer for each of us is that as we start our day we make a conscious decision to set our mind on things above and begin to look more like Christ as we reflect Him to others.

"Joy Pours Out" by Christy Nockels

Life Verse

What is your life verse?

Last year for Christmas our kids received life verse journals. Each page of the journal has a different bible verse and then a coloring page. The journal also has activities that go along with that verse that help explain the meaning of the verse. For example, they can choose to color the page and verse with Matthew 5:16, “in the same way let your light shine before men so that others may see your good deeds and glorify your father in heaven.” Then we discuss what it means to let our light shine before others and we list ways we can do this in their journal. As we started the new year, I had them pick out a verse that I can pray over them as they begin their new year. I take their journals into the kitchen and before they start their day I pray over them using that specific scripture. I don’t always have the words to say and I don’t always feel like God is listening. However, God’s Word does not change based on my feelings or mood and whether I feel a certain way or not, He IS listening! When I need to be reminded of God‘s protective shield over our families lives, I pray Psalms 91:4, "He covers you with His feathers you will take refuge under His wings His faithfulness will be protective shield.” When I feel alone I pray Psalm 56:3, “when I am afraid I will trust in you.” When I feel discouraged or worried I pray Philippians 4:6, "don’t worry about anything but in everything through prayer and petition with thanksgiving let your request be known to God.” When I pray for the fruit of the Spirit to be reflected in my children’s lives in my life, I pray 1 Timothy 4:12 “ don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young but be in example for the believers in speech and conduct in love in faith and in purity.”  When I need to be reminded of God‘s strength and power I pray, Psalm 93:4, “ mightier than the thunders of many waters, mightier than the waves of the sea, the Lord on high is mighty.” I thought for a long time that I was inadequate with the words I spoke and the way I prayed aloud. Prayer is conversation with God. I begin my prayer in the morning when I wake up and I say amen when I put my head on my pillow. It is a constant conversation with the Creator of the universe and maker of you and me. In 1 Thessalonians 5:18 it tells us to “pray without ceasing.” Ceasing means never stopping...lifting every detail up to our Father. I recently bought a shirt that says you’re in the details and I wear it A LOT to remind myself and others that God is in the details of our lives. I challenge you as we begin this new year to find a life verse for yourself and for your family members. Pray it over them and pray it over you remembering He is in the details! My prayer for you is to know Him more intimately this year than the last!