God Leans In

A little over a year ago I wrote a blog post explaining why I have the word GRACE tattooed on my wrist. It has only been a year and a half since I got the tattoo and I am so grateful I have the word right in front of me every minute of the day. My children and I just got back from a trip. By the way, notice that said the word trip and not vacation. I heard a pastor recently say that a trip is with children and vacation is just for you and your spouse or friends. So true! For example I never thought I’d go to Helen, Georgia, and spend so much time in a team store but I did on my TRIP with my children.  

Back to the word GRACE tattooed on my wrist…So my family went on this trip and we had a great time. Helen is this quaint little village nestled in the mountains and it is really beautiful! It was fun to experience everything through my children’s eyes because they get so excited about the smallest little thing. However, it was very different for me going to a town where I was so used to going on adventures and hiking up to the waterfalls instead of watching my children do all of these things that I loved to do. Don’t get me wrong I am so grateful my children were able to go but it is hard to see in pictures what I once experienced in reality.  That is why I’m so glad I have the word GRACE written on my wrist. It is a constant reminder to me. For example:

The people that will not move out-of-the-way for the wheelchair to get through? GRACE. 

When I lash out in anger at the people closest to me? GRACE.  

The countless stores that are not handicap accessible and only have stairs to get in?!? GRACE. 

The small aisles once we get in their stores that we can’t get through without knocking something down? GRACE. 

The poor person pushing me through all of these small places and usually having to roll me backwards to get over a lift in the door. GRACE! 

I KNOW God leans in with a gentle reminder as I feel anger, resentment, bitterness, or tears well up in my eyes. Sometimes I listen to God’s prompting of GRACE right away and sometimes I choose not to. However God is still there, leaning in and reminding me of HIS GRACE.  God gave us GRACE that we do not deserve. He sent HIS only son to die on the cross for us. In Ephesians 2:8 it says “For by GRACE you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God.”  I am also reminded that it is HIS GRACE that is sufficient for others and for me. God reminds us in 2 Corinthian‘s 12 that Paul was given a thorn in the flesh to keep him from becoming proud of his own wisdom and abilities. It tells us that three times Paul begged God to take it away and God reminded him that HIS GRACE is sufficient and that HIS POWER is made perfect in your weakness.  I know it is much easier to write or read about His GRACE being sufficient than to live it out. It is hard. However it is true and my prayer for you as 2 Corinthians 12 reminds us is to "boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.”

“For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”

2 Corinthians 12:10 ESV

“ Grace Got You” by Mercy Me

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=xtiUjNT_vAM

Useful or Beautiful?

I’m so sorry it has taken me all summer to actually sit down and write. I have no excuse except life got busy, and I have three children that were home all the time:). 

It was a really fun summer and I love having the kids home but I’m also glad for a little structure and to be back in school!  During the summer, and also the school year, I try to get up early and spend some time with Jesus. It seems especially hard for me though, and maybe for you too, during the summer. It is hard for me to remember what God says about me and not let the circumstances of life and the devil get a foothold. That is why I have to spend time with Jesus to remember who I am and His specific promises to me!

I am a big fan of podcasts; I listen to them while I’m getting ready in the morning. While listening to one of the podcasts, a question was asked that caused me to stop and my mind to start reeling:

Do we need Jesus because He is USEFUL or do we need Jesus because we find Him BEAUTIFUL? 

Man I was so convicted! I spend time with Jesus because He encourages me, and I listen to podcasts many times to also encourage me. What can Jesus say to me? What can Jesus do for me to get me through the day? Do you see the common thread? It is all about me.

I am not saying that He is not there to encourage us and help us have a good day because He is!! In Psalms 27 it reminds us that the Lord is our light and salvation so why should I be afraid? It also reminds us that He is our fortress protecting us from danger so why should we tremble?  He does help us get through the day and hold our head up high! He does help us hold our head up high while reminding us that we are His children and that our salvation cannot be taken from us. 

I read several of the Psalms before writing today. Before the author goes into confession or asks “how can God help me,” the author praises Him for who He is. God IS beautiful! In Psalms 107:1 we are reminded to “give thanks to the Lord for He is good, His faithful love endures forever.” There are times I will make a list of the attributes of God and I start to pray over them reminding myself of His character...

God is:

Holy

Just

 Immutable (never changes)

Infinite

 Self-sufficient

 Omniscient (all-knowing)

 Omnipresent (everywhere)

 El Shaddai ( God Almighty)

Father

Love

 Merciful

Jehovah Rophe (The God who heals)

Jehovah Shalom (the God of peace)

Jehovah Jireh (the God who provides)

Our Comforter

 Our Intercessor

These are just a few of His attributes. God desires that we call upon His name because he made us for relationship. He does not desire a relationship where we ignore Him and only call upon His name when we need something. God doesn’t need us but He desires us. My prayer for you is that you will know God is our Father and that we are His children. I pray you seek Him and know that He deserves our worship and praise for He is our beautiful God.

“You’re Beautiful” by Shane and Shane 

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=zkbMbmOoZOE

“You say” by Lauren Daigle

  

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=sIaT8Jl2zpI

Control

This is not at all how I thought that my life would be. When Jarrod and I got married 15 years ago (so long ago right) he was in medical school and I taught Elementary school. After a few years we were hoping for children and three seemed like a good number to us. However it did take us several years into our marriage before having children. Teaching early childhood was good birth-control for me... I love children and teaching but I was just too tired to do it at school AND at home! By the way kudos to all of you who teach outside of the home and pour yourself out as mamas when you get home. My mom was a teacher and while it’s very rewarding it’s also exhausting!!!

So we had been married about 4 1/2 years when we had our first sweet little boy (who is now a way too grown-up 10-year-old ) We had just moved to Cleveland, Ohio for my husband’s medical training when multiple sclerosis decided to rear its ugly head. A relapse with multiple sclerosis? I never imagined lesions appearing on my spine!! We were beyond grateful though that nothing was wrong with the baby. After treatments and physical therapy I ended up with a small limp on my left side. I thought it was such a huge deal but I would love to go back to a small limp right now. Isn’t that a problem we often have? I know often for me looking back problems that seemed SO BIG don’t seem so big anymore.

It is very rare that MS relapses happen during pregnancy and many patients with MS have relatively healthy lives with their children. Well that’s all I needed to hear because I really wanted to have more babies but I knew that three would not be possible (well at least in my false sense of control)! I knew with what happened last time that Jarrod and I would not try twice to be pregnant but I really wanted one more sweet baby and I was not at all worried about another relapse. MS relapses in pregnancy are rare right? Thankfully it didn’t take us very long to get pregnant and when I went into the doctor at seven weeks they told me that we were having twins. Twins?? Jarrod and I were both shocked scared and excited! Also that is really an understatement WE WERE SHOCKED! I was able to take care of the twins to almost 38 weeks and praise God they were healthy! Mommy was not and another relapse sit in around 22 weeks again and this time did even more damage to my spine. We now had an almost 3-year-old and newborn twins. It was a crazy time and to be honest I don’t remember much of it but I do know that we were surrounded by family and friends. God‘s provision for us again as our dependency on Him became stronger. When the twins were almost two we moved to San Antonio Texas. We knew not a soul and we could have been very alone. The extrovert in me loved being in new places and I felt like it was a challenge for our family to find new places to fit in and we definitely did! I fell in love with the people and city of San Antonio . I would definitely have at least another

page of all the ways that God provided in Texas. I recognized His provisions but others provisions I see looking back. Hindsight is always 20/20 right? We moved from Texas to Charlotte North Carolina for his medical training. Every notion of control that I ever had began to be challenged and my false sense of control started to be replaced with greater dependency on others and greater dependency on God. Driving my kids anywhere we needed to go? Gone. Grocery shopping when I just needed one thing for a recipe? Gone. Feeling like an independent wife and mother? Gone. If I say that I gave these things up easily or even willingly that would be a lie. It is hard to be so dependent on others. Actually that is quite an understatement ...it is really really really HARD to be so dependent. Our time in Charlotte was wonderful and difficult for our family. However that year grew our faith in God grew stronger and even more real for our family. We knew that we were going to move a year later and again God surprised me and showed me that I am not in control. Our family moved to Macon Georgia and although our family started here in college, it’s not where I thought we would plant roots. In Macon our family has thrived! Our children love their new school and God has shown us that He is in the details all the way from my husband‘s job to our house.

God has shown us and continues to show us that He provides and He is in control. Life doesn’t look like what we thought and your life might not look like what you imagined. However God is faithful and He is sovereign! My prayer for you is that you would trust Him completely and believe as Romans 828 says

“And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.”

“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.”

‭‭Jeremiah‬ ‭29:11‬ ‭ESV‬‬

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=kFfztu8-bBQ

This Day

During the summer I try to get up early. so I can spend some time with God before my kids get up. Some days I am successful at getting up earlier and some days I’m not. I’ve heard before that getting to spend time with God first is waking up for your day instead of to your day. When I am successful at getting up I have my plans laid out, which always involves the Bible and coffee. Some mornings more than others my body is really really stiff and it is hard to do what I want it to do. I don’t know if you have this problem but Siri does not understand southern accents. I use the voice feature on my phone because typing is hard to text and doing any sort of writing is pretty hard and really slow! Much of my time is spent yelling at Siri that I did not say that crazy word and frustrated because I have to correct which takes so much time. I began to have a conversation with God and sometimes out loud. I probably look a little crazy but usually I’m on my porch and no one is around to see except the birds chirping and the squirrels running up and down the trees. 

Doesn’t God see how I had planned to spend time with Him and how much time is being wasted yelling into my phone? Then I slowly begin to realize that I’m wasting my agenda not His! He woke me up for another day. I might have slowly crawled out of bed and my spaciscity is out of control, but there is breath in my lungs. I wish I could control how my body reacts but I can’t. I practice stretching every morning that helps but I cannot control how my body responds. There are circumstances beyond my control and there are circumstances beyond your control. I am reading the book of Esther in the Bible and she was a woman put in circumstances that she would probably not have chosen for herself. Esther had to decide whether to become discouraged by the circumstances around her and frustrated or trust the Lord is sovereign and the circumstances were not beyond His control. The Lord is sovereign. He is in control of all things and nothing surprises Him. Do we choose to trust Him or go our own way? Do we choose to become discouraged or encouraged that the Lord is in control? Do we become hopeless and frustrated by our circumstances? In Psalms 42:5 the Bible asked “why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation” 

‭My prayer for you is that you will find your encouragement and hope in the Lord. Trust Him and know that He is sovereign. He is the God who created you, loves you and knows every detail and has great plans for your life!

“Trust GOD from the bottom of your heart; don’t try to figure out everything on your own. Listen for GOD ’s voice in everything you do, everywhere you go; he’s the one who will keep you on track.”

‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭3:5-6 MSG

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=1srs1YoTVzs

“This Little Light of Mine”

I don’t know about you but the end of the school year can be crazy and chaotic. Don’t get me wrong, it is fun! But it is also exhausting! There are award ceremonies, recitals, ball games, end of the year parties, etc... it begins to give you a false sense of reality. My life begins to become about a checklist, instead of about serving others ...instead of about Jesus.

I was jolted back to reality last weekend with the death of one of my very favorite people, my uncle Raymond. At his funeral it was said how much he focused on others and busied himself with serving other people. One of the many ways he loved to serve was in my grandmother’s garden. Every year, he would plant new flowers for my grandmother in her garden. He did love flowers, especially roses! When he entered the room he wanted to know what he could do to help you and how you were doing. He had a servant’s heart. Now he is restored and suffering no more. What peace to know he is now experiencing the life we are meant for, eternal life with Jesus.

This past week, while one of the hardest weeks, also reminded me what is most important. How am I living this life? Who am I living this for? Am I pouring out myself to others? “This Little Light of Mine,” while known as a kids song, is perfect for reminding us that the light of Jesus that we have inside us is to shine for others to see, “not hidden under a bushel.” Don’t let the brokenness of this world cause you to become so bitter that “you let satan blow it out.”

There are so many things I learned about life from Uncle Raymond. I learned how great the waves are just before a storm and that it's the best time to boogie board with my dad, my cousin Ryan, and my uncle. I learned that Rod Stewart music is the best, and I learned some great dance moves to go with it! I learned that a smile and a pat on the back can be the touch someone else might need.

Serve others. Love others. Be the hands and feet of Jesus. Most importantly KNOW JESUS! Know that Jesus came into this world and died for you and me so that we may have eternal life with Him. “Jesus said to him, ‘I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.’” (John 14:6 ESV) 

My prayer for you is that you ask and answer these questions for yourself and that ultimately you know Jesus, love Him and live your life serving and loving others through Jesus Christ.

“In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven.” Matthew 5:16 ESV

"This Little Light of Mine"

"Death Was Arrested" by North Point InsideOut

Creating Sacred in the Busyness

This past week one of my life long dreams became a reality, thanks to two of my dear friends.  In college, I always had a poster hanging on my wall that said "San Francisco" with a picture of the Golden Gate Bridge. We spent our first full day in the city going on a tour of several different parts of this city. Then, we slowly drove down the winding roads to the Golden Gate Bridge. As my friends and I watched the rocks and the splashing water beneath the burnt orange bridge (I learned about the correct color from the tour guide), it was hard not to tear up at the realization that I was sitting right there! We took lots of pictures to try to capture the moment and then got back on the bus to visit a few more places. Just like any city it was a bustling place; cars passed back-and-forth on the bridge and boats big and small traveled along the bay.

A little over an hour from this busy city is Muir Woods. I don’t think saying that it is a beautiful place quite gives it justice; however, it is BEAUTIFUL! It is a national monument surrounded by redwoods and streams of water. My friends and I walked through the paths where you could go hiking and fortunately for me there was a paved path that made it much easier for a wheelchair. One of my friends said it was amazing that this beautiful place was so close to the city, such stillness in the hustle and bustle. We decided to sit and take in the beauty instead of letting it pass us by so quickly.

It reminded me of the numerous times in scripture that Jesus withdrew from the crowds to spend time with the Father. In Luke 5:16 it says that “he would withdraw to desolate places and pray.” Jesus was surrounded by great crowds of people wanting healing and to just hear him speak. However, no matter the amount of people that wanted to see Jesus, he knew he needed to spend time with his Father. Just before the guards came and arrested him, he left the disciples, “and he withdrew from them about a stone's throw, and knelt down and prayed.”  Luke 22:41 ESV

It is hard for this extrovert to be alone. I LOVE to be with people! I get energy from being around people and love to be part of the busyness of life. However, God’s teaching me that in the quiet places He renews my strength. My dependency on Him grows stronger as I learn to rest in Him. My prayer for you is that you will learn to rest in Him as you find and create sacred in the busyness of your life.

“Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.”

Matthew 11:28-30 MSG

"I Just Need U." by TobyMac

Heroes of Faith

I have a sign in my kitchen that my wonderful friends gave me. I purposely put it in a place where my family and I are reminded as we leave our home to:

 “Let our faith be bigger than our fear.” 

For the past many weeks I’ve had the opportunity to study the book of Hebrews. This past week my study focused on Hebrews 11, also known as the “hall of faith.” I have read about Abel and his generous whole hearted offering to the Lord, Noah and his reverent fear of God, and Abraham’s unwavering trust in the seemingly impossible, to name a few. 

What is faith? The Bible defines faith as:

The assurance of things hoped for and the conviction of things not seen. 

I don’t know about you but it is very hard for me to not be fearful, to not worry about what tomorrow will bring, to trust that God is in control no matter what the circumstances may be. 

As I studied this week, I began to think about my own heroes in the faith... their faith that taught me what it means to truly love Jesus... their faith that taught me, despite my circumstances, to believe Romans 8:28, “We know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.” My heroes have shown me through their walk of obedience what it means to stay rooted in His word, to study and know it, and to have it “hidden in my heart.” My heroes have shown me how important it is to stay connected to other believers. When my faith is lacking and doubt starts to seep in, “my crew” points me back to Jesus. My crew reminds me of His promises, His faithfulness and that His word is true. I want to be in that hall of faith. I want to have courage to believe that His “grace is sufficient for me.” My prayer for you is that you will want the same and you will let your faith BE BIGGER than your fear. Who are your heroes of faith?

"Even If" by Mercy Me