Stuck

Do you ever have that feeling of just being stuck?  

Stuck in your circumstances.  

Stuck in a place that you don't want to be. 

Stuck in a relationship. 

I struggle a lot with feeling stuck. This will not come as a surprise if you know me, but I am an extrovert. I love being around people. However, there are many times that I see people I want to talk too or a place I would like to go, and I realize that I can't. I know that I can always ask for help, and God has placed wonderful people that surround me and really do more than I could ever ask or even imagine. Sometimes though I just want to walk over there and talk to people without having to ask them for help. I want to go visit a place without it being a big deal of how to get me there. I just feel stuck. 

     My bible study teacher recently asked, "How does your body as a portable tabernacle empower the way you live?" I've said this many times, but our body is a broken vessel. The way we use our broken vessel depends on us. We can use it to glorify God and let Christ empower us, or we can use it to glorify ourselves. I can choose Christ each time I need someone to help me or when I'm in a sticky situation. Trust me, those around me see my bitterness and discouragement. I'm only human and therefore, a sinner. But I also pray they see my desperate need for Jesus. His blood covers me and covers you. We can choose our attitude when we are faced with something that seems impossible. We can choose joy, where to place our hope, and where we find our peace. We can choose to trust Christ and let Him empower us to be the living sacrifices that we are called to be. I have a quilt in my house that I read every day. One of my dear friends gave it to me and it says, "God didn't promise days without pain, laughter without sorrow, nor sun without rain, but He did promise strength for the day, comfort for the tears and light for the way." My prayer for you is that you will rest in Christ and let your body be a portable tabernacle to glorify Him!

"My grace is sufficient for you for My power is made perfect in your weakness. Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest on me." 

2 Corinthians 12:9

The Words I Would Say by Sidewalk Prophets

My Story

  "I survived because the fire in me burns brighter than the fire around me"...it is one of the sayings that I read several times a day. However, I should say, I survive because of the people that God places in our lives that have surrounded our family with His love. I've heard about the body of Christ since I was young and I know I have experienced it but never really recognized it like I have in the past couple years. Looking back, I see the body of Christ showing up in my family in powerful ways. I recognize the many times that people surrounded and encouraged us . Hindsight is 20/20!

    Our family has lived in Charlotte NC, San Antonio, TX, Cleveland , OH, and Augusta, GA. I'm from a town outside of Augusta called Waynesboro. It is the bird-dog capital of the world (I just thought I would add that in case you were wondering)and has absolutely wonderful people! It is a small town and has issues because people have issues and we are sinners.  However the way they love and care for people is something to be treasured. The encouragement and prayer that people from my hometown share have kept my family going at times when we thought we would not survive.  I moved from there to Augusta for my husband's medical school training and then onto Cleveland, OH, San Antonio, TX, Charlotte, NC, and now back to Macon Georgia. My husband and I met in college at Mercer University in Macon and it is nice and surprising to be back! A lot has changed since 1998...Mercer has changed, Macon has changed, and we have changed both physically and spiritually.

    One of our pastors talks about looking at life through a God-centered lense. I love looking back now and seeing how God's hand was all over our story. Our story is His story and it speaks of our sanctification journey.  He continues to bring us closer to Him each day. His provision ahead of our need has been amazing, but I am not going to sugarcoat it and say that life has not hurt. Multiple sclerosis changed our lives, having children changed our lives (especially the twins), and medical training (all stages) has created challenge after challenge where we have once again been able to see God’s faithfulness to us. Life is hard! However, if I look at my life through a God-centered lense, I see His hand intervening in every phase of the journey. 

     In Augusta, we were part of a great church and established friendships that will last a lifetime.  I was able to teach and work with children which is what I love to do. 

    In Cleveland, we had our precious children (and boy did our lives change then). We had our son first and then two years later we had our twins.  We lived close to my husband's family which was a huge blessing. We had family and friends that surrounded and hoped us, a wonderful Bible study, residency spouses club (my husband was in his medical residency), a great church and small group, and made friendships that I hope will last forever!

     Then we moved to San Antonio Texas. Shock and surprise is putting it mildly for sure... The military had us put a list of places where we might end up and San Antonio was not one of those places.  I'm so grateful that God's plans are not man's plans and that His ways are higher than ours ways! In Deuteronomy 31:8, the Bible tells us that God will personally go ahead of us and will not fail nor abandon us." We saw this verse tenfold in San Antonio. Wayside Chapel became our family as did my children's preschool, and wonderful friends God brought into our lives. I had friends watch my kiddos for countless doctor’s appointments. We went to Thanksgiving and Easter with a good friends and family. I had the opportunity to attend an amazing bible study with other women that spurred me on in my faith. My husband was deployed to Afghanistan and once again we saw God's provision at work. We had family from Georgia and Ohio fly to Texas to be with us. My sister-in-law from California flew all the way to Texas to be with us. Thankfully my husband came back safely.  That Christmas I decided to make a lasagna because my husband loves lasagna. I had finished making it and put it in the refrigerator (very impressed with myself by the way) when I dropped the whole darn thing on the floor putting it in the refrigerator. The glass shattered and eggs, ricotta cheese, marinara sauce, and noodles ran down the refrigerator. I honestly didn't know whether to laugh or cry and I'm sure that I thought or said a few things that won't be repeated. My oldest son helped me clean up the glass and wipe down the refrigerator. I kept my twins contained so they would not step on the glass. I texted my husband because I was so discouraged about the lasagna and he told me how much he loved grilled cheese. Once again, thank you, Lord!  I ended up putting that on Facebook and a few hours later our doorbell rang and a lasagna was sitting on our front porch. My children still remember that story and love telling people how an angel brought us lasagna because we still don't know who it was... an angel indeed! We have countless stories of God's provision in Texas and his love for us through other people. We loved our time in San Antonio and had many amazing experiences to remember!

    After Texas, we moved to Charlotte, North Carolina and we saw God's hand protect us in ways that we had not recognized before! We moved about two weeks later I developed vertigo from a lesion in my brain vortex.  My husband was back in training and we knew this would be the most intense year that we had experienced to date. We have three busy and growing children... two kindergartners and one third grader. I realized that I could not drive and I had never felt so discouraged and hopeless. How would I get them to school? How would I get to church or my children to their activities? I didn't want them to suffer because of this! We knew the training would only be one year but I lay awake at night wondering how I was going to find people to help me in such a short period of time!  It seemed impossible! However I'm beginning to learn that our God shines in the  seemingly impossible! I had a sweet friend that grew up in the same hometown and only lived a few miles from me. Her family became my family and I felt like they adopted us. She helped me drive my kids to activities and went to many of my doctor’s appointments. We also went to church together every Wednesday night and on Sundays when my husband was at work. She introduced me another wonderful family that took my oldest son to his activities and helped me from everything to unloading the dishwasher and doing laundry! We lived in a great neighborhood and many of the children road on the bus to the exact same school! The children would play soccer and other games until the bus came. Our neighbors surrounded us and we are forever thankful for our body of Christ in the cul-de-sac and our time in Charlotte. It was just one year but it was a life-changing year. Our family experienced some difficult times but we saw God's provision even more clearly in our lives. Once again, there was no denying his provision and his presence!

     Now it seems that life is now full circle! My husband and I began in Macon, GA and moved to Augusta, GA, Cleveland, OH, San Antonio, TX, Charlotte, NC and now back to Macon, GA.  It is definitely very different from college days! As I said before we are very different and my goodness we have three kids now! However, God is still the same God, providing for us and renewing our strength day by day. I pray that my story gives all glory and honor to God. My prayer for you is that in your story you experience and recognize His provision and His love today!

seeing for the first time britt nicole - Google Search

Big Daddy Weave - "My Story" (Official Music Video) - YouTube

   

 "Now to Him who is able to do more than we ask or imagine according to his power at work within us, to Him be the glory forever and ever!"  Ephesians 3:20-21

Trusting God's Heart

My heart was broken yesterday. My oldest son came home from school, and he just seemed angry. He was very short with others and his responses to me and seemed very touchy about every little thing. Later, he asked my husband if mommy was ever going to get better. He told my husband that some kids were making fun of him because his mom was in a wheelchair. My husband is wonderful and tried to explain the best he could to an almost 10-year-old that I might never get better. He also reminded our son that we don't know what the other kids might be going through; many times we hurt people because we are hurting as well... maybe they are having problems at home with mom or dad or even at school. We've dealt with this before in every city or town we have lived in. However, he understands more as he gets older and seeing that his mom is "different" is harder than before.

     The mama bear in me wants to get really angry. I'm mad that he is hurting, that we are all hurting. I want to get up out of my chair and walk next to him. I want to reach out and hug him from two legs that are standing and reach out to him with arms that are not shaking. I'm doing everything I can to get stronger. But, as my husband told him, I might not walk again and that is really hard to swallow. That really hurts. 

    This is a crazy mixed up world. It is a sinful world. Bad things happen and there is so much suffering, and I do not understand. However, I know, and I pray you know, that hope is not found in this world. In Psalms 31:24 the Bible tells us to "be strong and courageous all you who put your hope in the Lord." I try to read these psalms with my children and remind them that our God loves us unconditionally. I try to always tell them thank you for talking to us. I remind them that mom and dad love them more than they know. My husband and I don't want them to ever feel that they can't come to us because it might hurt mom's feelings. I'm not going to lie: it does hurt. Knowing that my wheelchair causes problems for him stings. But the bad days definitely do not outweigh the good that is coming.  Do you and I know that our God can do the impossible? I had a doctor tell me that after a relapse it was pretty much impossible for recovery after seven years. It has been 10. I'm hoping that He does heal me physically. I KNOW He can...but if He does not I can TRUST Him! My prayer for you is that you trust Him in your life even when you cannot see! He's got you...believe and trust Him!

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding, but in all ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:5-6

"Even If" by Mercy Me 

"Unstoppable God" by Elevation Worship

Don't Waste Your Suffering

Phillipians 129 "For you have been given not only the privilege of trusting in Christ but also the privilege of suffering for Him."

"So suffering is like a sand blasting machine that strips away my fear, anxiety self-centeredness complaining and "I don't care" attitude  toward others who hurt. "

      

      Our family just moved from North Carolina to Macon, Georgia. We loved college (My husband and I met in Macon and that's where we went to college.) but we never thought we'd be back here but God had different plans:)! God has given us abundantly more than we could ever ask for and I will write about the details soon! It has been wonderful to be back but very different from college! I mean college was almost 20 years ago! Macon has changed and we have changed. 

      It is our first "real" house that we're hopefully staying for a long time! It's so fun and I'm grateful to have a house where I don't run into the walls:)! However it is been hard to sit in a chair while others put my house together. My family has never made me feel that way and they always ask me where I would like things but it is hard not to feel inadequate. I know that my feelings are a lie from Satan but I still struggle! I want to be able to arrange my kitchen or put pictures in the family room! 

Our sufffering exposes our sin and our desperate need for Christ. I become so defensive because I want to do it in my own house but I cannot. I focus on my suffering and become bitter instead of focusing on how every detail of the house is being provided. Instead of being thankful for the people who took their time to make this house a home. It is hard and trust me at times I know that I'm no peach to be around:).

      I have heard before the places around your house remind you of all of God's provisions. I am reminded to pray for that person and be thankful for the way they provided in my life. For example my father-in-law put up our lights so when I look at my really cool light in the family room (it is super cool and I really love it:)) He also did so many things that it is hard to mention all that he did around our house!!! I am reminded of my father-in-law and his love for our family. I am reminded to pray for him. My mother-in-law put the kiddos rooms together and their bathroom. She arranged our pictures in the family room for me . My mom arranged our kitchen and we have a lot of kitchen stuff!! She unpacked our china and arranged our china cabinet . My dad unpacked and arranged the kid's playroom and unpacked many of the boxes outside. We had a sweet friend from my parents church who helped my father-in-law put the beds together and much, much more ! We had a another sweet friend from our church who put much of my daughters room together. 

      I could waste this! I could focus on the fact that it's my house and I want to put things together or I could be grateful for God's provision and my family and friends willingness to put our house together. 

I am  in desperate need of Christ  every hour, well really every second to remind me of the privilege this suffering is and my opportunity to trust him and show him at work in my life. My prayer for you is that you don't waste the suffering in your life and trust him in the midst of the struggle to use it for good!!

Beyond Me Toby Mac Lyrics - YouTube

Obedience

I tell my children all the time to obey the first time. Why do I want them to obey the first time?  Well, because I'm their mother and I said so:)... but hopefully they've also seen in ME reasons why they would want to obey. They obey because they trust me. My children know that I have their best interest at heart. They know that I'm older than them and that I know a little bit more than they do (most of the time). Also, I want my children to say “Please” and “Thank you” and “Yes, ma’am" and “No, ma’am" (I'm from the South; we have to say ma'am). I want them to show respect not only for me but for all authority. There are grownups in their lives other than their dad and I, and my children should show respect. 

More than respect for me, I want their obedience to stem from my love for them and their love for me. They don't always obey (shocking I know) and there are consequences when they don’t, but I don't stop loving them because of their disobedience. My love for them grows deeper and their love for me grows deeper as our relationship grows deeper. There are rules that need to be followed, but I want my children to know me as their mom and not as their task master. 

    

God is not our taskmaster, He is our Father. He desires a relationship with us. We are His children and He is our creator. It would break my heart if my own child did not want to have a relationship with me or if they followed all the rules and were "good" but had no relationship with me. A relationship with someone means that we spend time with them. We don't just know of them but we KNOW them. We know their likes and dislikes. We know their voice. We want to spend time with them and learn more about them. Psalm 1 says that those who obey God's word are "like trees planted along the riverbank, bearing fruit in each season.”

We are God's imago dei, made in His image. We are His children and He wants what is best for us. Our obedience and the choices we make spring from our reliance on God and His word. It's not always what we want BUT it is why we are taught to obey, to trust, and to love the One who made us. 

"But they delight in the law of the Lord meditating on it day and night" Psalm 1:3

"But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. There is no law against these things." Galatians  5:22

“Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like someone who looks at his face in a mirror and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like. But whoever looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues in it—not forgetting what they have heard, but doing it—they will be blessed in what they do.”  James 1:23-25 (NIV)

Love & The Outcome - The God I Know (Official Music Video) - YouTube

Don't Be A Blessing Blocker

So today I fell out of my wheelchair... at the park... on a play date with my daughter. Can I say so embarrassing??? I was excited to go on a play date with my daughter and her friend and her mom. I was going to be a "normal" mom. However, the concrete slanted and my wheelchair went off the path instead of going straight, and I went with it into the dirt. So many people came running to help me and my daughter just kept saying, "Please help my mommy." I put my sunglasses on quickly so no one would see my eyes tearing up as people put me back in my wheelchair and pushed me back up onto the concrete. One sweet lady said, "Oh my goodness, dear. You tore a hole in your jeans." I assured her that I had not  because I had just bought them that way:). My daughter told several of the people, "Thank you for helping my mommy." It was very sweet and of course I was grateful for the people and grateful for my daughter's reaction. But once again I was embarrassed... I just wanted my daughter to be on the playground and not have to worry about her mommy. I wanted to be a "normal" mommy and not draw attention to me. 

Have you ever heard the saying "the struggle is real, y'all"? Well, it's real! I felt like saying that this past weekend!! During communion last weekend, we did intinction where we dip the bread into the juice. People go up to the front but of course I could not. The pastor said that the deacons would bring the bread and juice to those of us who had to stay seated, and of course they would, but again I just didn't want to draw attention to myself. I was embarrassed. I didn't want to embarrass my kids (although I'm not sure if they would've cared:)). So I just sat there and let the tears roll down my cheeks because I was just tired of the fight. I was just tired of all the many things that I used to take for granted and that were just so hard now. I should have let my mom or my friend wave the usher down because they wanted too. It was dark inside the sanctuary so fortunately no one but my mom and my friend sitting next to me knew about the tears. 

    Recently, one of my sweet friends told me to stop being a blessing blocker and let her help. I came home from church and started to throw a pity party for myself when I realized two things. One is that communion is not about me and two, that I was being a blessing blocker. When I fell out of the wheelchair at the park there were so many people that came over to help and I know so many people that witnessed the little incident:). It encouraged me just to see how many people came over to help but it also really encouraged me to see how my daughter reacted. She told everyone that I was her mommy and she thanked them for helping me. Who knows how it might have encouraged someone else? Or the incident during communion? I'm sure it will help people to see those who are unable to go up front more clearly or notice the needs of others that might need help. In this culture we don't always look out for the other person, so I challenge all of us to keep our eyes and ears open and when you need help, accept it! Do not be a blessing blocker:)!

Remembrance (Communion Song) - Matt Redman - YouTube

Blessings - Laura Story (with lyrics) - YouTube

My Tattoo... An Explanation

 " My grace is sufficient for you for my power is made perfect in your weakness. Therefore I will gladly boast about my weaknesses so that Christ's power may rest on me. 2 Corinthians 12:9

     I read something recently by one of my heroes, Joni Erickson Tada, where she said her wheelchair is her pulpit. She is not her wheelchair but she uses her suffering and her circumstances to preach the gospel and tell others about Jesus. MS is my pulpit. It does not define me and it is not who I am however it is a circumstance that my family has been given and I want to use it as my pulpit. 

    So I got a tattoo as one of my birthday presents. I've wanted one for quite a while but was unsure what to get, and well it's kind of permanent:). I decided on the word  grace. Grace is defined as the free and the unmerited favor of God manifested in the salvation of sinners and the bestowal of blessings. Grace also means to honor or give credit to someone or something by one's presence. 

   There are three reasons I chose  the word grace. In Ephesians 2:8-9 the Bible says, "for by grace you have been saved through faith, not of yourself. It is a gift from God not by works so that no one should boast." When I see the word grace on my wrist I am reminded of what Jesus did for me and for you. I am reminded that salvation is not going to be taken away from me. It is a gift not anything I need to do but accept it.

    When I look at my wrist and the word grace I am also reminded to give grace to others. There is so much I need help with and it is hard not to become bitter and take it out on others. I know that my family and friends are trying to help me and trust me I am grateful. However it is hard to accept so much help sometimes with a gracious heart. I want to fill out the paperwork for my children at school. I want to teach them to tie their shoes and run and play soccer instead of watch them. This is when I need to be reminded of the grace that has been given to me and show grace to others. Each person is the Imago dei, made in the image of Christ. Well there are many times I would gladly give this disease back, it is my pulpit and I am grateful.

   It is also hard to have grace for myself at that moment. I feel inadequate as their mother because I want to help them and I cannot. It is hard to have grace for myself and accept my limitations when I get in a downward spiral of discouragement. That is when I look at my wrist and remember the grace that is greater than all my sin and I am grateful. 

THIS GLORIOUS GRACE