A Thrill of Hope

Our family went on “the polar express” Saturday night. We’ve been doing this as a family since our oldest was a toddler. I make a golden ticket ( or someone helps me now:) and we put their golden tickets under the tree that say “one ticket ride to the polar express. “ We have hot chocolate and get our Christmas PJs.  We hop in the car and head out to look at Christmas lights. My husband even punches their ticket with his Santa hat on as they get in the van just like in the book or the movie. This year I had a friend recommend the peppermint milkshakes at Chick-fil-A as a treat while looking at Christmas lights and we all thought that sounded great!  I took our pictures and everyone was set for a fun evening....until the milkshake spilled. We were halfway through the lights and our oldest stepped on his brothers milkshake. It dripped on his car seat and he of course started sobbing.  While I would love to say that we saw Jesus’ kindness in my oldest’s response, instead he started laughing at his younger brother. My daughter just looked at me and said, “ well at least I’m being good mommy”. You can insert your eye roll here or screaming because I felt like doing all of those things! I threw napkins and wipes back to my oldest who cleaned it up and let my crying child finish my milkshake. I had fortunately taken pictures to send to the grandparents and put on Facebook before the spilled milkshake and crying began so we looked like such a happy family. We are a happy family BUT we are human and therefore sinners. We desperately need Jesus.

I remind my children all the time how much Jesus loves them. Of course I always tell them how much their dad and I love them and that Jesus loves them so much more and they can possibly imagine. However if am being honest though while I remind them and believe that Jesus loves them more than we can imagine, I do not always believe it for myself. This world is hard. I hear of so many things in this world that I do not understand and cannot comprehend. In the Message version, Romans 8:28 says “the moment we get tired in the waiting, God does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves. That’s why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good.” We are called to trust his heart when we do not understand, and put our faith in God when circumstances seem hopeless. We are His BELOVED. The verse that many of us learned as children and can probably quote from memory tells us that God loved the world SO MUCH and sent His son so that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have eternal life.”  I don’t know about you but sacrificing my own child is not something that I comprehend. God’s sacrifice and His great love for us to draw us to him is unimaginable. In a season that has become more and more about getting the “greatest gifts” we forget that the greatest gift is Jesus. I see this phrase on many magnets and bumper stickers but Jesus is the reason for the season! My prayer for you this Christmas season is that in all the hustle and bustle you are reminded of His great love for you! O, come let us adore Him!

Four Miles to Empty

One of my dear friends told me the other day that she was about 4 miles to empty. What a great way to describe how life’s circumstances sometimes make us feel. I know I struggle with an overwhelming sense of discouragement. I struggle with loneliness. I’m surrounded by family and friends that I love and love me, but my circumstances many times leave me feeling lonely… four miles to empty as my friend says. Do you ever feel that way?

Most mornings before school I have my children put on the armor of God. I have taught them about the armor since they were little, so they are pretty good at naming all the different parts. In Ephesians 6:11 it says to, “Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil.” I tell my children to remember they have it on each day, but do I really remember myself?

We have the helmet of salvation on that says we are children of God. We are God’s children and no matter what circumstances we have in life, our salvation cannot be taken from us.

  

We have the shield of faith. The shield of faith surrounds us, yet we question who God is and whether or not he is even there or cares. Our shield of faith tells us that God is right there with us IN COMPLETE CONTROL! 

We have our belt of truth which tells us not only are ALL His promises true but I tell my children the belt also means we need to be people of truth too. Sometimes the truth hurts but telling the truth is always better than a lie! 

We put on our breastplate of righteousness. Righteousness is defined in Webster’s dictionary as acting in accord with divine or moral law, free from guilt or sin. However, we are sinners and it is impossible for us to be righteous. That’s why we need Jesus! God looks at Jesus’s perfect righteousness when he looks at us and not our own. We are clothed in the righteousness of Jesus. In The Message version of the Bible, Romans 3:21-24 tells us “The God-setting-things-right that we read about has become Jesus-setting-things-right for us. And not only for us, but for everyone who believes in him. For there is no difference between us and them in this. Since we’ve compiled this long and sorry record as sinners (both us and them) and proved that we are utterly incapable of living the glorious lives God wills for us, God did it for us. Out of sheer generosity he put us in right standing with himself. A pure gift. He got us out of the mess we’re in and restored us to where he always wanted us to be. And he did it by means of Jesus Christ.”

Last we put on my two favorite parts of the armor of God to teach my children, the sword of the spirit (the word of God)and the shoes of peace (gospel ready boots). We have God’s Word, the Bible, with us ALWAYS to fight against the ways of this world and circumstances in our life. That’s why it is so important to have God’s word hidden in our hearts because it will direct our mind, thoughts, and the words we speak to be focused on him. Finally we put on our gospel ready boots (or tennis shoes, sandals, flip-flops... as I tell my children:)) because whatever circumstances come our way we have on the shoes of peace because we have on the armor of God. Wherever we go today we represent Jesus Christ, in our words and in our actions, let each step we take glorify Him!  

In Ephesians 6:18, it says to “pray at all times in the Spirit, with all prayer and supplication." We have this armor but we need to remember to activate it with prayer. I always told my children it’s like going to the beach with sunscreen to protect you but never using it! My prayer for you is that today when you feel 4 miles to empty you will remember to put on the armor of God and know that you’re not alone He is right there with you!!!

Head to Toe (The Armor of God Song) by Christy Nockels

“Be prepared. You’re up against far more than you can handle on your own. Take all the help you can get, every weapon God has issued, so that when it’s all over but the shouting, you’ll still be on your feet. Truth, righteousness, peace, faith, and salvation are more than words. Learn how to apply them. You’ll need them throughout your life. God’s Word is an indispensable weapon. In the same way, prayer is essential in this ongoing warfare. Pray hard and long. Pray for your brothers and sisters. Keep your eyes open. Keep each other’s spirits up so that no one falls behind or drops out.” Ephesians 6:13-18 MSG

Heart Eyes

Confession: I struggle with being self centered. 

I get so wrapped up in how my needs are going to be met and how my family‘s needs are going to be met. My lack of driving is fairly new, and I struggle with feeling completely dependent all the time. It is amazing how busy you will become making sure all three kids are taken care of as well as making doctors appointments and just life in general (like the grocery store and laundry:)) My reminders list has about 20 things on it each day. I get up really early to get ready for the day, but it’s crazy how fast the time flies and it is dinner time! I have heard many times that Satan likes to keep us busy and so focused on everything else besides God.

I was reading a devotional with my daughter last night and it talked about having heart eyes. It doesn’t mean following after our own heart. Our own heart is deceitful and can lead us astray. Heart eyes means having our eyes open to those around us...seeing others as Jesus does! We are God’s treasured possession. What do you do with treasure? You take care of it...good care of it! You always know where the treasure is and that it has everything it needs. God didn’t just create some people to be treasured; He created ALL people to be treasured! 

I don’t want to always be focused on myself and how my needs are going to be met. That’s where I have to learn to trust and lean on God and not my own understanding of the circumstances surrounding me. In Proverbs 3, it says:

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding but in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight. Be not wise in your own eyes, fear the Lord and turn away from evil."

I want to fear God and know that He is a good father... He loves my family much more than I do! After all He created them:)! I want to have “heart eyes” to focus on those around me. When someone else is always taking me to the grocery store or an appointment or my children’s school, I want to see them as the imago dei, or as the "image of God," and encourage or listen in any way I can. Every time I go to an appointment, do I see those around me? I don’t want to miss an opportunity that God has placed in my path or be unaware of those around me. I want to have heart eyes and my prayer for you is that you will too!

“For you were once darkness, but now you are the light in the Lord; live as children of light.” Ephesians 5:8

Brandon Heath "Give Me Your Eyes"

Stuck

Do you ever have that feeling of just being stuck?  

Stuck in your circumstances.  

Stuck in a place that you don't want to be. 

Stuck in a relationship. 

I struggle a lot with feeling stuck. This will not come as a surprise if you know me, but I am an extrovert. I love being around people. However, there are many times that I see people I want to talk too or a place I would like to go, and I realize that I can't. I know that I can always ask for help, and God has placed wonderful people that surround me and really do more than I could ever ask or even imagine. Sometimes though I just want to walk over there and talk to people without having to ask them for help. I want to go visit a place without it being a big deal of how to get me there. I just feel stuck. 

     My bible study teacher recently asked, "How does your body as a portable tabernacle empower the way you live?" I've said this many times, but our body is a broken vessel. The way we use our broken vessel depends on us. We can use it to glorify God and let Christ empower us, or we can use it to glorify ourselves. I can choose Christ each time I need someone to help me or when I'm in a sticky situation. Trust me, those around me see my bitterness and discouragement. I'm only human and therefore, a sinner. But I also pray they see my desperate need for Jesus. His blood covers me and covers you. We can choose our attitude when we are faced with something that seems impossible. We can choose joy, where to place our hope, and where we find our peace. We can choose to trust Christ and let Him empower us to be the living sacrifices that we are called to be. I have a quilt in my house that I read every day. One of my dear friends gave it to me and it says, "God didn't promise days without pain, laughter without sorrow, nor sun without rain, but He did promise strength for the day, comfort for the tears and light for the way." My prayer for you is that you will rest in Christ and let your body be a portable tabernacle to glorify Him!

"My grace is sufficient for you for My power is made perfect in your weakness. Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest on me." 

2 Corinthians 12:9

The Words I Would Say by Sidewalk Prophets

My Story

  "I survived because the fire in me burns brighter than the fire around me"...it is one of the sayings that I read several times a day. However, I should say, I survive because of the people that God places in our lives that have surrounded our family with His love. I've heard about the body of Christ since I was young and I know I have experienced it but never really recognized it like I have in the past couple years. Looking back, I see the body of Christ showing up in my family in powerful ways. I recognize the many times that people surrounded and encouraged us . Hindsight is 20/20!

    Our family has lived in Charlotte NC, San Antonio, TX, Cleveland , OH, and Augusta, GA. I'm from a town outside of Augusta called Waynesboro. It is the bird-dog capital of the world (I just thought I would add that in case you were wondering)and has absolutely wonderful people! It is a small town and has issues because people have issues and we are sinners.  However the way they love and care for people is something to be treasured. The encouragement and prayer that people from my hometown share have kept my family going at times when we thought we would not survive.  I moved from there to Augusta for my husband's medical school training and then onto Cleveland, OH, San Antonio, TX, Charlotte, NC, and now back to Macon Georgia. My husband and I met in college at Mercer University in Macon and it is nice and surprising to be back! A lot has changed since 1998...Mercer has changed, Macon has changed, and we have changed both physically and spiritually.

    One of our pastors talks about looking at life through a God-centered lense. I love looking back now and seeing how God's hand was all over our story. Our story is His story and it speaks of our sanctification journey.  He continues to bring us closer to Him each day. His provision ahead of our need has been amazing, but I am not going to sugarcoat it and say that life has not hurt. Multiple sclerosis changed our lives, having children changed our lives (especially the twins), and medical training (all stages) has created challenge after challenge where we have once again been able to see God’s faithfulness to us. Life is hard! However, if I look at my life through a God-centered lense, I see His hand intervening in every phase of the journey. 

     In Augusta, we were part of a great church and established friendships that will last a lifetime.  I was able to teach and work with children which is what I love to do. 

    In Cleveland, we had our precious children (and boy did our lives change then). We had our son first and then two years later we had our twins.  We lived close to my husband's family which was a huge blessing. We had family and friends that surrounded and hoped us, a wonderful Bible study, residency spouses club (my husband was in his medical residency), a great church and small group, and made friendships that I hope will last forever!

     Then we moved to San Antonio Texas. Shock and surprise is putting it mildly for sure... The military had us put a list of places where we might end up and San Antonio was not one of those places.  I'm so grateful that God's plans are not man's plans and that His ways are higher than ours ways! In Deuteronomy 31:8, the Bible tells us that God will personally go ahead of us and will not fail nor abandon us." We saw this verse tenfold in San Antonio. Wayside Chapel became our family as did my children's preschool, and wonderful friends God brought into our lives. I had friends watch my kiddos for countless doctor’s appointments. We went to Thanksgiving and Easter with a good friends and family. I had the opportunity to attend an amazing bible study with other women that spurred me on in my faith. My husband was deployed to Afghanistan and once again we saw God's provision at work. We had family from Georgia and Ohio fly to Texas to be with us. My sister-in-law from California flew all the way to Texas to be with us. Thankfully my husband came back safely.  That Christmas I decided to make a lasagna because my husband loves lasagna. I had finished making it and put it in the refrigerator (very impressed with myself by the way) when I dropped the whole darn thing on the floor putting it in the refrigerator. The glass shattered and eggs, ricotta cheese, marinara sauce, and noodles ran down the refrigerator. I honestly didn't know whether to laugh or cry and I'm sure that I thought or said a few things that won't be repeated. My oldest son helped me clean up the glass and wipe down the refrigerator. I kept my twins contained so they would not step on the glass. I texted my husband because I was so discouraged about the lasagna and he told me how much he loved grilled cheese. Once again, thank you, Lord!  I ended up putting that on Facebook and a few hours later our doorbell rang and a lasagna was sitting on our front porch. My children still remember that story and love telling people how an angel brought us lasagna because we still don't know who it was... an angel indeed! We have countless stories of God's provision in Texas and his love for us through other people. We loved our time in San Antonio and had many amazing experiences to remember!

    After Texas, we moved to Charlotte, North Carolina and we saw God's hand protect us in ways that we had not recognized before! We moved about two weeks later I developed vertigo from a lesion in my brain vortex.  My husband was back in training and we knew this would be the most intense year that we had experienced to date. We have three busy and growing children... two kindergartners and one third grader. I realized that I could not drive and I had never felt so discouraged and hopeless. How would I get them to school? How would I get to church or my children to their activities? I didn't want them to suffer because of this! We knew the training would only be one year but I lay awake at night wondering how I was going to find people to help me in such a short period of time!  It seemed impossible! However I'm beginning to learn that our God shines in the  seemingly impossible! I had a sweet friend that grew up in the same hometown and only lived a few miles from me. Her family became my family and I felt like they adopted us. She helped me drive my kids to activities and went to many of my doctor’s appointments. We also went to church together every Wednesday night and on Sundays when my husband was at work. She introduced me another wonderful family that took my oldest son to his activities and helped me from everything to unloading the dishwasher and doing laundry! We lived in a great neighborhood and many of the children road on the bus to the exact same school! The children would play soccer and other games until the bus came. Our neighbors surrounded us and we are forever thankful for our body of Christ in the cul-de-sac and our time in Charlotte. It was just one year but it was a life-changing year. Our family experienced some difficult times but we saw God's provision even more clearly in our lives. Once again, there was no denying his provision and his presence!

     Now it seems that life is now full circle! My husband and I began in Macon, GA and moved to Augusta, GA, Cleveland, OH, San Antonio, TX, Charlotte, NC and now back to Macon, GA.  It is definitely very different from college days! As I said before we are very different and my goodness we have three kids now! However, God is still the same God, providing for us and renewing our strength day by day. I pray that my story gives all glory and honor to God. My prayer for you is that in your story you experience and recognize His provision and His love today!

seeing for the first time britt nicole - Google Search

Big Daddy Weave - "My Story" (Official Music Video) - YouTube

   

 "Now to Him who is able to do more than we ask or imagine according to his power at work within us, to Him be the glory forever and ever!"  Ephesians 3:20-21

Trusting God's Heart

My heart was broken yesterday. My oldest son came home from school, and he just seemed angry. He was very short with others and his responses to me and seemed very touchy about every little thing. Later, he asked my husband if mommy was ever going to get better. He told my husband that some kids were making fun of him because his mom was in a wheelchair. My husband is wonderful and tried to explain the best he could to an almost 10-year-old that I might never get better. He also reminded our son that we don't know what the other kids might be going through; many times we hurt people because we are hurting as well... maybe they are having problems at home with mom or dad or even at school. We've dealt with this before in every city or town we have lived in. However, he understands more as he gets older and seeing that his mom is "different" is harder than before.

     The mama bear in me wants to get really angry. I'm mad that he is hurting, that we are all hurting. I want to get up out of my chair and walk next to him. I want to reach out and hug him from two legs that are standing and reach out to him with arms that are not shaking. I'm doing everything I can to get stronger. But, as my husband told him, I might not walk again and that is really hard to swallow. That really hurts. 

    This is a crazy mixed up world. It is a sinful world. Bad things happen and there is so much suffering, and I do not understand. However, I know, and I pray you know, that hope is not found in this world. In Psalms 31:24 the Bible tells us to "be strong and courageous all you who put your hope in the Lord." I try to read these psalms with my children and remind them that our God loves us unconditionally. I try to always tell them thank you for talking to us. I remind them that mom and dad love them more than they know. My husband and I don't want them to ever feel that they can't come to us because it might hurt mom's feelings. I'm not going to lie: it does hurt. Knowing that my wheelchair causes problems for him stings. But the bad days definitely do not outweigh the good that is coming.  Do you and I know that our God can do the impossible? I had a doctor tell me that after a relapse it was pretty much impossible for recovery after seven years. It has been 10. I'm hoping that He does heal me physically. I KNOW He can...but if He does not I can TRUST Him! My prayer for you is that you trust Him in your life even when you cannot see! He's got you...believe and trust Him!

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding, but in all ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:5-6

"Even If" by Mercy Me 

"Unstoppable God" by Elevation Worship

Don't Waste Your Suffering

Phillipians 129 "For you have been given not only the privilege of trusting in Christ but also the privilege of suffering for Him."

"So suffering is like a sand blasting machine that strips away my fear, anxiety self-centeredness complaining and "I don't care" attitude  toward others who hurt. "

      

      Our family just moved from North Carolina to Macon, Georgia. We loved college (My husband and I met in Macon and that's where we went to college.) but we never thought we'd be back here but God had different plans:)! God has given us abundantly more than we could ever ask for and I will write about the details soon! It has been wonderful to be back but very different from college! I mean college was almost 20 years ago! Macon has changed and we have changed. 

      It is our first "real" house that we're hopefully staying for a long time! It's so fun and I'm grateful to have a house where I don't run into the walls:)! However it is been hard to sit in a chair while others put my house together. My family has never made me feel that way and they always ask me where I would like things but it is hard not to feel inadequate. I know that my feelings are a lie from Satan but I still struggle! I want to be able to arrange my kitchen or put pictures in the family room! 

Our sufffering exposes our sin and our desperate need for Christ. I become so defensive because I want to do it in my own house but I cannot. I focus on my suffering and become bitter instead of focusing on how every detail of the house is being provided. Instead of being thankful for the people who took their time to make this house a home. It is hard and trust me at times I know that I'm no peach to be around:).

      I have heard before the places around your house remind you of all of God's provisions. I am reminded to pray for that person and be thankful for the way they provided in my life. For example my father-in-law put up our lights so when I look at my really cool light in the family room (it is super cool and I really love it:)) He also did so many things that it is hard to mention all that he did around our house!!! I am reminded of my father-in-law and his love for our family. I am reminded to pray for him. My mother-in-law put the kiddos rooms together and their bathroom. She arranged our pictures in the family room for me . My mom arranged our kitchen and we have a lot of kitchen stuff!! She unpacked our china and arranged our china cabinet . My dad unpacked and arranged the kid's playroom and unpacked many of the boxes outside. We had a sweet friend from my parents church who helped my father-in-law put the beds together and much, much more ! We had a another sweet friend from our church who put much of my daughters room together. 

      I could waste this! I could focus on the fact that it's my house and I want to put things together or I could be grateful for God's provision and my family and friends willingness to put our house together. 

I am  in desperate need of Christ  every hour, well really every second to remind me of the privilege this suffering is and my opportunity to trust him and show him at work in my life. My prayer for you is that you don't waste the suffering in your life and trust him in the midst of the struggle to use it for good!!

Beyond Me Toby Mac Lyrics - YouTube