So today I fell out of my wheelchair... at the park... on a play date with my daughter. Can I say so embarrassing??? I was excited to go on a play date with my daughter and her friend and her mom. I was going to be a "normal" mom. However, the concrete slanted and my wheelchair went off the path instead of going straight, and I went with it into the dirt. So many people came running to help me and my daughter just kept saying, "Please help my mommy." I put my sunglasses on quickly so no one would see my eyes tearing up as people put me back in my wheelchair and pushed me back up onto the concrete. One sweet lady said, "Oh my goodness, dear. You tore a hole in your jeans." I assured her that I had not because I had just bought them that way:). My daughter told several of the people, "Thank you for helping my mommy." It was very sweet and of course I was grateful for the people and grateful for my daughter's reaction. But once again I was embarrassed... I just wanted my daughter to be on the playground and not have to worry about her mommy. I wanted to be a "normal" mommy and not draw attention to me.
Have you ever heard the saying "the struggle is real, y'all"? Well, it's real! I felt like saying that this past weekend!! During communion last weekend, we did intinction where we dip the bread into the juice. People go up to the front but of course I could not. The pastor said that the deacons would bring the bread and juice to those of us who had to stay seated, and of course they would, but again I just didn't want to draw attention to myself. I was embarrassed. I didn't want to embarrass my kids (although I'm not sure if they would've cared:)). So I just sat there and let the tears roll down my cheeks because I was just tired of the fight. I was just tired of all the many things that I used to take for granted and that were just so hard now. I should have let my mom or my friend wave the usher down because they wanted too. It was dark inside the sanctuary so fortunately no one but my mom and my friend sitting next to me knew about the tears.
Recently, one of my sweet friends told me to stop being a blessing blocker and let her help. I came home from church and started to throw a pity party for myself when I realized two things. One is that communion is not about me and two, that I was being a blessing blocker. When I fell out of the wheelchair at the park there were so many people that came over to help and I know so many people that witnessed the little incident:). It encouraged me just to see how many people came over to help but it also really encouraged me to see how my daughter reacted. She told everyone that I was her mommy and she thanked them for helping me. Who knows how it might have encouraged someone else? Or the incident during communion? I'm sure it will help people to see those who are unable to go up front more clearly or notice the needs of others that might need help. In this culture we don't always look out for the other person, so I challenge all of us to keep our eyes and ears open and when you need help, accept it! Do not be a blessing blocker:)!
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