I love people. It is fun for me to be around others. It really
fills my tank up, so to speak. I like traveling to new places and going on adventures. I
have always enjoyed moving to new places because it’s
an exciting challenge. During each of my four years of college I moved to different apartments (I'm sure all this moving thrilled my parents :) ). Then I married a man whose
job required us to move around a lot, and although it’s not his favorite, I loved it!
As I became more dependent on other people and my relationship with God became stronger, I loved seeing how God provided.
However, as I became more dependent, I also ended up spending more time alone at my house in silence. I cannot drive anymore, so going inside the local Starbucks does
not happen very much. Fortunately, there
is a drive-through so when my sweet nanny comes and we are running
errands we frequently drive through the local coffee house.
Doing things with friends is different now, because
they have to come pick me up and help me.
Satan uses these moments to keep my eyes focused on my circumstances and
on my loneliness. I quickly become discouraged and my thoughts tend to
go into a downward spiral. Bitterness and
anger ensue that many times I take out on other people. It’s not pretty
and, trust me, I am not proud of this. However, this just shows how much I need Jesus.
When I have a smile on my face and my words and actions are positive, it’s because of Jesus.
I make a decision, many times a day, to turn my eyes on Him and change my
attitude. In Psalms 32:3 it says, “When I kept things to myself, I felt weak and deep inside me I moaned all day long.” When we keep our thoughts focused on
ourselves and our circumstances we do feel weak, because we cannot renew our minds and our attitudes. God never wastes
our hurts or what we might be going through. God never wastes
suffering. In Proverbs 4:25 the Bible tells us to “Let your eyes look
directly forward, and your gaze be straight before you.” It also tells
us in Ephesians 4:23 to “be made new in the attitude of your mind.” So
my being alone and silent has really allowed me to pour into scripture and also pour into other peoples' lives. When I am able to participate in something,
I enjoy it far more than I might have
if I did it all the time. My prayer for you is that you will keep your
eyes turned toward Jesus. Trust Him and trust the story that He is
writing through you. He is writing a story that will bring Him great
glory and you “get to” be part of it. Trust our good
God.
“Turn your eyes upon Jesus” by Hillsong
“Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable,
whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is
commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of
praise, think about these things. What you have learned
and received and heard and seen in me—practice these things, and the
God of peace will be with you.”
Philippians 4:8-9
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